Looking for feedback on this. Thoughts?

COLT

In four days, Everett Harbaugh will celebrate his twentieth birthday.

Maybe.

Home from college for the weekend, Everett is shocked to discover that he was conceived in a doctor’s office with sperm from an anonymous donor. He’s angry with his parents for not telling him sooner, and he’s curious about his genetic heritage. He wants to find his donor father, along with any half-siblings he might have out there.

A friend tells Everett about a man who might be able to help him. A former rock star. The sole survivor of a plane crash.

A private investigator working out of a camper…

Nicholas Colt agrees to take the case. Then, minutes later, Everett walks outside and disappears, apparently abandoning his BMW convertible and everything inside it—cell phone, wallet, everything. His parents suspect foul play, and they hire Colt to find him.

As it turns out, Everett has fourteen brothers and sixteen sisters, all from the same donor at the same sperm bank. Unfortunately, Everett won’t ever be able to meet two of them.

Because, as it turns out, two of them are dead.

Brutally murdered.

Different locations, months apart.

As Colt dredges up the murky details of the unsolved homicides, one thing becomes crystal clear: while Everett was looking for his donor father, Everett’s donor father was looking for him.

Now the race is on for Colt to find Everett, and with each passing hour the situation becomes increasingly urgent. Because…

Both of Everett’s siblings died the day they turned twenty.

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Really cool premise, Jude! But it takes a bit too long, perhaps, to get to the meat of it, so I've streamlined another version. Take what you will ...

In four days, Everett Harbaugh will celebrate his twentieth birthday. Maybe.

Home from college for the weekend, Everett is shocked to discover that he was conceived in a doctor’s office with sperm from an anonymous donor. Curious about his genetic heritage, he hires a former rock star turned private investigator. Nicholas Colt no sooner takes the case than Everett disappears, apparently abandoning his BMW convertible and everything inside it—cell phone, wallet, everything.

Colt soon discovers that Everett has fourteen brothers and sixteen sisters, all from the same donor at the same sperm bank. Two of them are dead. Brutally murdered. Different locations, months apart. 

As Colt dredges up the murky details of the unsolved homicides, one thing becomes crystal clear: while Everett was looking for his donor father, Everett’s donor father was looking for him. Now the race is on for Colt to find Everett, and with each passing hour the situation becomes increasingly urgent. Because…

Both of Everett’s siblings died the day they turned twenty.

Nice, Eric. Thanks!

I like the premise, too, and this is a darn good back-page teaser, Jude. Very nice.

Not sure this is relevant, but if Colt has any personal stake in this case, it should be mentioned. If the personal interest is strong enough, it'll boost the hook. 

Eric's version is superb!  I can't improve on it.

An intriguing premise!  I want to know what's happened to Everett. Will Colt find him in time?  Have you started writing the novel yet? 

Good point, Jack. I'll think about that.

Almost finished with it, JJ. Thanks!

Cool!  Let us know how you get on with publication, Jude. I'd like to read it. 

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