Share 'In at the deep end, surrounded by sharks, wearing raw-meat trousers.'

People keep acting like I'm mad when I mention how Green I am. Why deny it? I'm a newbie, a n00b, a wannabe, a tryhard. My first novel is published next month - by a decent-sized and perfectly respectable publisher, no less – so I'm permitted, I think, a little quiet smuggery. Fine. But I try to temper that, always, by inserting a thick vein of cynicism into conversations, and people just Don't L…