Donna Moore's Blog (80)

Glad He Ate Her - A Roman Mystery



I've always wanted to write a historical...

It was 124 BC, and I was on my fourth dead body of the week. The first three were routine Christians thrown to the lions, but this one was different - the death of a young man wearing the purple robes of a senator would need to be investigated carefully and the obvious solution of…

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Added by Donna Moore on May 8, 2007 at 6:54pm — 4 Comments

The Mystery of The Broken Commandments





In 1928 Ronald Knox, who was tired of some of the detective story trends of the day, laid down his rules for detective fiction. Some of them sound really

strange to today's reader. I had a quiet lunchbreak at work one day so I

thought I would try and write a story that included all the elements you're not

supposed to have. First,…

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Added by Donna Moore on May 6, 2007 at 11:34pm — 6 Comments

Dr Seuss Meets Dashiell Hammett

We have already established that I cannot do poetry, so here's another example:











“I am Sam, Sam Spade I am

Now with what can I help you ma’am?

Are you in a sort of jam?

Are you running – on the lam?

Are you victim of a scam?

Mistress of Jean Claude Van Damme?

Brothel madame?

Some cruel flimflam?

Now with what can I help you ma’am?”



My client was a strawberry blonde

A colouring of which I’m fond

“Oh… Continue

Added by Donna Moore on May 3, 2007 at 8:06am — 7 Comments

When Hardboiled Meets Cosy





The name's Fluffykins. And don't even THINK about smirking. The last one to laugh at my name was a mangy tomcat from Yonkers who's now meowing soprano on Broadway in the chorus of Cats. Just because I travel around in my owner's oversized handbag and wear a little bow in my fur, doesn't make me a pussy you know. I have a good life - my human buys me all the choicest cuts of meat, the finest salmon. You know that saying - The cat who got the cream� - Well, that's me.…
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Added by Donna Moore on April 29, 2007 at 5:14pm — 7 Comments

Crime Fiction Genres Defined By Bedroom Scene

How

to tell what sort of book you're reading by its bedroom scenes.




ROMANCE



There was a knock on the door of my hotel room. I knew who this wouldbe. My heart started beating fast like a baby sparrow fluttering in my ribcage. I fluffed up my hair, touched up my lipstick, adjusted my heaving breasts and opened the door. Tarquin…

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Added by Donna Moore on April 19, 2007 at 7:43am — 23 Comments

Sleuths Before They Were Sleuths

On the forum there has been a discussion of prequels, showing the backstory of characters, so I thought I would post a couple of tales of Philip Marlowe and Agatha Christie as children. So here goes:



Agatha Christie - Ten Little Exam Cheats:



Jane Marple pursed her lips as she read the school noticeboard. The

exam results for her class had been posted and there was something

decidedly strange about them. How had Arthur Creep managed to get an A

in Woodwork… Continue

Added by Donna Moore on April 16, 2007 at 4:01pm — 10 Comments

Noir Cats

Daniel Hatadi climbed the last flight of stairs and paused at the

office door. He'd heard that this guy was supposed to be shit hot as a

PI, but the unprepossessing building, the dingy stairway, the battered

door that looked as though it had been kicked by a herd of angry

buffalo, and the all pervading aroma of cheap whisky, cheap cigars and

even cheaper women made him wonder if his source had been mistaken.





He turned the handle and entered the… Continue

Added by Donna Moore on April 14, 2007 at 11:01pm — 5 Comments

Some Unlikely PIs - Aliens, Neanderthals and Cats...oh my

Well, I thought I would dig out some old stuff I did featuring some

unlikely PIs. Today, the Stone Age PI and the Alien PI. Tomorrow, the

cat PI.



STONE, PI



Being a PI in 2010BC really sucked. Of course, we didn't call it

2010BC - we called it The Year The Woolly Mammoth Ate My Brother.

Things were slow at Stone investigations. That's me - Stone - so called

because when I was born, a Stone was the first thing I grasped. It

coulda been… Continue

Added by Donna Moore on April 14, 2007 at 1:16am — 5 Comments

From Noir To Cosy In 12 Easy Stages

There is a wonderful array of crime fiction out there and it seems

there are noir fans and cozy fans and never the twain shall meet.

But how difficult would it be to turn a noir tale into a cozy, or vice

versa? Well, how about writing 12 different versions to ensure your new

novel appeals to the widest range of readers? Here are some handy hints.



A noir book is one that ends with all the characters dying/going to

prison/becoming alcoholics/betraying each… Continue

Added by Donna Moore on April 12, 2007 at 4:29pm — 8 Comments

A-Z Killing Spree - Verses U-Z





U is for Umberto who was caught Unawares

With his trousers Unzipped at the foot of the stairs,

By Ursula who took Umbrage at the Unwitting fella

And stabbed him in the Umbilicus with her pointed Umbrella



V is for Victor - Veterinary surgeon from Venice

Who practiced on humans - the Villainous menace.

When Virile Vince Visited expecting a swift appendectomy

That Vagabond Vic gave Vince a Vasectomy.

Poor Vince…

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Added by Donna Moore on April 10, 2007 at 4:21pm — 4 Comments

A-Z Killing Spree - Verses N-T

N is for Norman, from Loch Ness, a Ned

With a Nylon clad body, and empty space in his head,

Fell out of a window while escaping detection,

Not murder, just Darwinian Natural selection.



O is for Oswald - Optometrist from
Oklahoma

Who was found in his Office…

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Added by Donna Moore on April 9, 2007 at 4:59pm — 4 Comments

A-Z Killing Spree - Verses H-M

H is for Harold, who disliked Hankypanky

When his wife said `yes please', he replied `Oh, no thank `ee'

When shot with a Harpoon he died in the Hydrangeas

And his wife laid the blame on a party of strangers.



I is for Idris, travelling through Indonesia

When he started to suffer strange bouts of amnesia

And pains he assumed a bug of the Intestinal persuasion,

But which turned out to be Invading alien…
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Added by Donna Moore on April 8, 2007 at 5:30pm — 4 Comments

A-Z Killing Spree - Verses A-G

This rather silly poem was going to appear in an anthology that is, alas, sadly no more, so I thought I would just post it here in parts. It doesn't rhyme, it doesn't scan, it doesn't have any artistic merit, but by 'eck, it was fun to write.





The A-Z Killing Spree



A is for Alfie, whose life was Abridged,

When pickled in Aspic and stuffed in the fridge.

Slain by the Accountant at his old…

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Added by Donna Moore on April 7, 2007 at 5:15am — 10 Comments

An Offer You Shouldn't Refuse - Allan Guthrie

Well, obviously, it's not ACTUALLY the lovely Sunshine himself. For starters, I don't think Mrs Sunshine would approve and besides...would you REALLY want to wake up each morning and find him there with you? You might find yourself preferring the horse's head (I'm tempted to add "rather than the horse's arse", but I shall restrain myself).

No, this is an altogether different offer. Waterstones bookshop in the UK has an unbelievable bargain on at the moment where they are offering…

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Added by Donna Moore on April 4, 2007 at 3:33am — 8 Comments

Noir Music

Now that Daniel has helped this technical numpty with how to upload videos, I have decided that every couple of days I will update a couple of videos from some of my favourite Scottish artists (and some other lesser known favourites. So far...punk band The Skids' INTO THE VALLEY from 1979, new Dundee Band The View with Superstar Tradesman, Jesus and Mary Chain's APRIL SKIES from 1987 and all girl Glaswegian rock band The Hedrons with HEATSEEKER.

And, as a special for today, a band who…

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Added by Donna Moore on April 2, 2007 at 11:48pm — 9 Comments

The Number 62 Bus Part Deux

It was a lovely sunny Saturday afternoon, so I decided to go into the

city centre to buy a new pair of sandals. Yes, I know the World Shoe

Mountain currently resides in my bedroom, but, well, you never can tell

when that rumoured Slingback Shortage is going to occur, so, abiding by

that old Girl Guide motto 'Be Prepared', off I trotted.



For the purposes of this tale, it's actually irrelevant that I was

thrown out of the Girl Guides due to my reliance…
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Added by Donna Moore on April 1, 2007 at 11:14pm — No Comments

Introducing The Number 62 Bus

Mary wanted a bus story (for some reason, Glasgow's buses are a magnet for the weird and wonderful and I have had more than my fair share of bizarre experiences on them), so here's one of my favourites. All true, and I was almost sober at the time.



Glasgow buses…

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Added by Donna Moore on March 30, 2007 at 4:21pm — 2 Comments

On Being Mugged and Half Mugged

Someone asked me about my introduction in the Bar where I mentioned being mugged 3 and a half times, so I thought I would put the story of the half a time here, since I understand that the whole point of these blog thingies is that they are updated regularly. Whoops. So here's the story:

A year or so ago, I was in the city centre shopping and left at about 5pm by which time the place was starting to empty of shoppers. To get to my bus stop, I decided to cut…

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Added by Donna Moore on March 27, 2007 at 10:59pm — 7 Comments

Sniff, Sniff

I've had a couple of e-mails asking me about the neck sniffing thing, so I thought I would explain. I was down in London a couple of days ago and there I was, happily tootling up the escalator at Liverpool Street Station when I felt someone pressing really, really close behind me. "Hello", I thought, "Either you've pulled, Donna, or you're getting your pocket picked." I've had relationships with people who got less intimate on a first date. Before I could do anything, I then felt a nose on…

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Added by Donna Moore on March 23, 2007 at 9:34pm — 7 Comments

Errrr...is this thing on?

Well, I have no clue what I am doing, but after several people badgered me I have joined up. I am getting quite proficient at accepting invites but have not a scooby how to add anyone...or do much of anything else as it happens. So please feel free to invite me...to this, to parties, to anything you like really...particularly if it involves food.

Added by Donna Moore on March 23, 2007 at 1:52am — 4 Comments

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