Harrogate - A Few Random Thoughts

[Donna Moore]

Well, I'm home after a wonderful few days in Harrogate. The Festival was excellent, the panels were great, the evening events were fun...but most of all, the company was top class and I had much much fun and many laughs. Some random brief highlights, thoughts and comments:

I was SO chuffed to see Al win the Theakstons. It was a really strong field and any one of them deserved the prize, but, man, I was so thrilled for Al. And he was the only one that I would (and did) shed a few tears for when he won.

On other Al related news, over lunch the much respected critic and bench sleeper (I am unable to divulge who this was, but careful readers may solve the cleverly and seamlessly inserted clue a little later) described HARD MAN as "Monty Python meets the Coen Brothers" which we all thought was rather nifty.

Russel McLean, sporting a very fetching new non facial hair look, was discovered on a bench on Friday morning, wrapped in newspaper and intoning in incomprehensible Dundonian "Can you spare the price of a pint of Special Brew, hen."

Next big thing in crime fiction sub-sub-genres...Plumbing Noir...with aardvaark sidekick (he's brave, foolhardy, and he can unblock your u-bend).

Kevin "The Suite" Wignall. Having exchanged e-mails with Kevin (who is taller than his author photo by the way) over a number of years, I was really looking forward to meeting him. And my first in person introduction to Kevin (who is fairer than his author photo by the way) were the immortal words "There are people in my suite." I was about to congratulate him, thinking that these were people he had specially ordered, until I realised it was a look of outrage on his face. My second meeting with Kevin (who is slimmer than his author photo by the way) he had even more suite-related problems relating specifically to the number of rooms involved. Top bloke and great drinking companion. Looks bugger all like his author photo though.

I am most definitely taking crutches with me on every train trip I make in the future. I didn't have to lift my suitcase on or off a train once.

I bought too many books. One guy who hoisted my suitcase onto the train said "Bloody hell lass, you got a dead body in here?" as he walked off, limping and groaning.

Thanks to Crimespace for introducing me to my two new friends Jools and Vincent. Jools managed to put up with me for an inordinate number of hours and deserves a medal. Vincent just had the look of a startled faun whenever I loomed into view but humoured me patiently.

I had my hair stroked by a small pervert. The same bloke accosted me the next night and we had the following conversation:
Him: "Do you like books?"
Me: "Errrrrr...yes" (helllllllllooooooooooo...this WAS a book festival after all)
Him: "Do you like films?"
Me: "Errrrr...yes."
Him: "Do you like FOREIGN films?"
Me (very cautiously, since I wasn't sure whether the next thing was going to be an invitation to his room to view his vast collection of Scandinavian porn) "Errrrr...some."
Him: "Do you like ITALIAN foreign films?"
Me: "Errrrr...I'm not sure I've seen that many." And, before he could narrow the questions down more "Do you like southern Italian foreign films directed by Zefirelli and made in June 1954 featuring Sophia Loren, an armadillo and a model of the Leaning Tower of Pisa made of peperoni pizza?" I said "Jools, look at the time, we'd bettter go now. It was lovely to meet you."
Jools (under her breath): You bloody little liar
Him: "We will chat again later."
Me: (under my breath) "Will we shite"

We had a discussion about famous last words and how the modern way will probably be to e-mail or text them. I informed Jools that if she ever got a text from me saying "I wish I'd bought more shoes", she should nip out and buy a new little black number and cry inconsolably for fifteen days. When I texted her that very phrase just a mere 24 hours later, her immediate thought was that she had to find a new dinner companion. I shall say nothing more on the matter. A girl knows who her friends are...

The wedding of Mr and Mrs Money (talk about marrying into money...) that took over the bar on Saturday, and which more than one festival attendee thought was a specially laid on murder mystery theatre thing.

The taxi driver who asked me why I liked "All that dirty stuff", and whether I wrote it.

Deciding that Martin Waites was the sensible older brother of Al Guthrie and Russel McLean (and gawd help you if Martin is the sensible one in your party.)

Lee Child's story about his Granada TV days.

Natasha Cooper telling about doing a 'sleepover' at Brixton Prison, and the subsequent discussion amongst the panel.

Michael Marshall becoming more and more scared of Zoe Sharp.

Brown bread ice cream sundae at Betty's tea room.

Getting to cuddle my wee niece.

A wonderful weekend. Thanks to everyone for making it so grand. And now, I am going to bed. Goodnight.

[Julie Morrigan]

The shy retiring type... that would have been why we had to coax you out of your room with a rag soaked in Southern Comfort tied to the end of a stick... Actually, I was gutted you weren't there. Tom would have been blessed to have the chance to interview the award-winning author of 'Helena'. He nabbed Russel and I on Saturday afternoon while you were having your Betty's experience.

[Donna Moore]

Lynne - I managed a wee heel on occasion.

Tom - nice to meet you and thanks for the invite! The New Blood Panel was one of my favourites. I took notes in fact and if I get a chance I will put them up :o) And you interviewed Al, Russel and Jools and not me???? Thank f*ck! I am the shy retiring type.

[Tom Cain]

I'm gutted not to have made your best moments in Harrogate list! Wasn't my comment that, 'The one thing Diana would really have hated was the idea that she HADN'T been murdered' saucy enough? Wasn't calling Nick Stone a bastard, live onstage enough of a provocation? I know what it is: you're miffed in interviewed Al, Russel and Julie, but not you. A matter of pure (mis)chance, I swear ... ! See you next year, then ...

[LC Fraser]

Donna - wish I had been there. You make it all sound such fun. Even in flat shoes and with crutches.

[Donna Moore]

Val - it was great to see you in Harrogate - and thank you for your kind comments about Helena. That gave me a lovely glow :o)

[Val McDermid]

Hard to believe, given the quality of previous years, but I did come away from this Harrogate festival feeling it had been the best so far. As usual, I didn't manage to talk to all the people I wanted to, but I still had some great chats. And I laughed so hard at one point I nearly got thrown out of a restaurant.
Mind you, I think I may have to put my name down for a liver transplant.

[Donna Moore]

Kevin - it was indeed a blast. And thanks again for the book. I am looking forward to it.

Jools - LOL - I wish Colin had jumpd in with his soapy ninja death star. The small pervert was a bizarre experience :o)

Sue - I wish I had seen you again. You should just have come up and chatted. The thing with these conventions is that the more you go to the more people you get to know. And having been to loads over the years it's really lovely to catch up with old friends and make new ones. I am not great about going up to people I don't know, but it seemed at this one that there was always someone I knew to chat to, which was lovely. And having Jools there was especially nice. I only knew her through Crimespace and we got on like a house on fire. I also felt sorry for Michele Giutarri. That was a tough one for him.

US festivals are very similar in terms of panels - some good, some bad - and for me it's a lot down to the moderator. At most of the US ones I have been to there are generally 2 or 3 tracks running at the same time so there is a choice of panel to go to. And some might have quite a small audience, others bigger. So some can feel quite nice and intimate.

[sue neale]

Hi Donna. Good to meet you if briefly. You seemed to be deep in discussion with lots of men each time I saw you and I didn't want to intrude! I agree about the panels. Some were excellent but the ones with less management by the chair were tiring and didn't give the audience much opportunity to hear the varied viewpoints of the paritipating authors (almost said contestants as sometimes it seemed rather like a fight...) Found the whole thing quite tiring but maybe when it isn't your first one, you learn to spread yourself out or choose the sessions you really want to go to. Pity there weren't more foreign writers and I though that Plumbing the Depths on Fri afternoon was difficult for Michele Giutarri though he worked hard to answer queries. Best panels had chairs who gave each speaker about 10 mins to discuss the topic before moving on a varying the focus for the next person. A general discussion followed and then audience questions. Seemed sometimes as if the audience were so overwhelmed by the speakers that questions were slow coming out.

Has anyone been to crime fiction festivals abroad, and is the experience different/better?

[Julie Morrigan]

That quote - take 2: You bloody little liar who is also TALKING TO a small, hair-stroking pervert'. And at least some of the sniggering was down to something you may not have known about. Namely, that Colin Campbell had in his pocket a ninja death star cunningly fashioned out of soap that he'd bought from some bloke in the toilets earlier in the day. The instant the small, hair-stroking pervert reached out for your shiny locks, he was primed to spring into action and deck the fucker.

[Kevin Wignall]

Ah, Donna, you're so kind. Although, as I said to Anthony Neil Smith with regard to my author photo, I can't be expected to wear a suit and suck my cheeks in ALL the time.

It was a blast, wasn't it?