Why I Never Changed My Name

[Duane Swierczynski]

(Simulcast at secretdead.blogspot.com.)

"Duane Swierczynski" is quite a handle, isn't it? But hey, don't blame me. I've tried to change it before. Throughout my senior year of high school I submitted short horror stories to whatever markets I could find, including markets way out of my grubby little immature reach. Markets like Weird Tales, probably the oldest and most respected horror and fantasy magazine in the world. But I was a punk kid who noticed they were based in Philly, so I thought: What the hell, right? The story I sent Weird Tales was called "Submission," and I gave it that title because I thought it would be fun to open up a cover letter with the sentence: "Dear Editor, please find my submission, "Submission," enclosed with this letter." (I was 17. This is what passed for wit in my teenaged mind.) I also asked about internships or assistant-type jobs, figuring that maybe I could work my way up from the mailroom or something. And finally, I decided that a "Duane Swierczynski" could never make the pages of Weird Tales. I needed something snappier. So I lopped off my last name and became "Duane Louis."

A while later I received a rejection letter, but it contained a great piece of advice from co-editor George H. Scithers:

Use your full last name. It's real, and people will remember it.

(Click the letter below to read the whole thing.)
So, nearly 18 years later, big thanks to George Scithers. Or blame. Whichever you prefer.

[Jonathan Santlofer]

Hey, let's do it. Trade everything. Names. Lives.
Hmmm... sounds like a reality show that's already been done.

[Duane Swierczynski]

Thanks, Jonathan. But you know, I'd trade you "Swierczynski" for "Santlofer" in a a heartbeat!

[Jonathan Santlofer]

Hey, Duane, I feel your pain. I've been saddled with Jonathan Santlofer my whole life and have wanted to change it many times. I thought there would be an opportunity with my first novel and spent days coming up with polite pseudonyms, JA Sands a favorite. But my publisher nixed them all, said they had to cash in on my art career and so my real name. It get so tiresome having to spell it, doesn't it? Then there's the nickname factor. I'm Jon to old friends, Jonny to really close ones and family, and Jonathan in the formal world. Hey, I have dreams where my name is John Smith, but I'd settle for Duane Swierczynski.

[Shannon Clute]

The longer I read, the more convinced I am that Swierczynski is a swell name. "Dweller near a fir tree?" Who can beat that? I lived in Belgium for a year, and apparently in Walloon "Clute" means "dirty little jobs that no one wants to do." Much less regal than a being a fir tree dweller. And at least you can understand why people mispronounce your name. Clute is only five letters, and you'd be amazed at how people mangle that. Yeah, I'd wear Swierczynski with pride.

[Duane Swierczynski]

I have to believe that I'm from Polish peasant stock, too. I mean, who the hell else would hang around fir trees?

(Seriously, I love the historical stuff. Thanks!)

[Naomi Hirahara]

Yes, most Japanese surnames are related to places and horticulture. Not to get all historical on you, but most Japanese peasants didn't get surnames until the Meiji Era (late 1880s), and they usually chose whatever place, tree, or river that was nearby. And yeah, I'm of peasant stock. But a proud peasant.

[Duane Swierczynski]

Hirahara means "flat valley?" That's great. "Swierczynski" is loosely translated as "dweller near a fir tree." Place names rule!

Sandra: It does have a nice ring to it...

[Sandra Ruttan]

I like Swierczywonderboy and I'm sticking with it.

[Naomi Hirahara]

NPR reporters' names are pretty weird at times, and that's why I like them so much. I know that they are real. On of the strangest name in the newspapers (at least to me) is Krzyzewski, and I think he's doing okay in the name recognition department.

--Naomi "Flat Valley"