my apologies for the frailty of flesh

[Sandra Ruttan]

There are times in your life that things are so bad all the cliches actually start making sense. Spinning out of control. Don't know which end is up. Emotional roller coaster.

And when you're there, the only thing you seem to know with certainty is just how messed up everything is.

Right now, I'm displaced. Sort of homeless, and I feel overwhelmed by the awareness that I don't have an anchor. I'm sitting here, listening to Russ Taff's WINDS OF CHANGE...

Well, I've seen my chances come and go And come back round again But everytime they took me by surprise There was a day I used to want
the things I did not have
But it's never better on the other side.
Well, I've never gone so far that I've
forgotten my way home
The best things always bring you back again
over and over


The Hands of Time
Go Round and Round
They don't slow down when you lose your way
At every turn
The things you learn
You wear them proud like you wear your name
And as you go
On Down that road
Don't let the dust get in your eyes
It blows in the winds of change.


Hunger is no stranger
I've sat with him before
And everything I've done has not been good
As I've tried to make my stand
I've had to learn to fall
And maybe I've seen more than I should
But I've never gone so far that I've
Forgotten my way home
The best things always bring you back again

Sort of a psychological anchor, because when my life spirals I find myself listening to the music of my formative years, stuff a solid twenty years old, stuff that was on my (ahem) record player and in my tape deck when I was figuring out who I was and what I wanted in my life.

And not everything in my life has turned out the way I wanted.

I always feel a sense of responsibility to readers here, to be honest, and to be available. I'm sorry that I haven't been able to respond to all comments lately. I'm also sorry that I'm behind on e-mails and general correspondence, and I do need to update my website, because if you need to contact me now you should use sandraruttan.spinetinglermag at gmail dot com (remove the words and replace with symbols where appropriate).

I can't fully explain everything going on right now. The only thing I can tell you at this time is that I'm safe. That's really all that matters, but I do feel disoriented, and a bit lost. There is never a time when more is expected of you than in the weeks leading up to your book's release, and right now I have this overwhelming fear that I'm letting everyone down. I'm just trying to tread water and get the essentials done. Many of the things I thought were going to happen for the promotion of this book have fallen by the wayside, some with canceled interviews, some with things I just haven't gotten to yet. It's such a personal disappointment, because I've worked so hard for WHAT BURNS WITHIN, and for THE FRAILTY OF FLESH... and believe me, right now, I can relate to the hell I put my characters through in THE FRAILTY OF FLESH.

But more later. For now, I have things to smile about. I've got the new Deric Ruttan album on now (and wow, here's a ringing endorsement of a blog post about Deric's music, and not written by a third cousin) and I have the image of the book cover for THE FRAILTY OF FLESH on my computer, thanks to Erin @ Dorchester, who is the marketing goddess.

And for the people like you, reading, for Erin, who've worked so hard for me, I'm going to get the things done that I need to get done to make sure that I get those things I'm behind on done. (Wow, that made no sense at all. In other words, I'm going to be working hard to catch up.)

(If you'd like to see the cover, check out my blog because I haven't uploaded the cover here yet.)

[Sandra Ruttan]

Thanks Joyce. I find working sometimes help. It keeps you from too much naval-gazing. :)