Lord, save me from book raisers. Stay their hands.
Lay their volumes upon the table . . . flat.
If nothing else works, let the pages of their books fly unto the ground like ginko leaves in autumn.
Protect me from panelists who put down cohorts to raise self worth.
Still their snipes.
Silence too-frequent references to their own tomes.
Melt their freebies.
Yea, verily, this I pray.

Liberate me from microphone hogs. Prohibit their ponderous verbosities.
Give them short breath . . . or loose bowels.
O, Most High, keep moderators on track.
Let them read their panelists' works.
Bless them with interesting topics and salient questions.
Grant them humility in this one situation.
Yea, verily, this I pray.

Exalted One, give the room thick walls . . . Lest my panel be overpowered by the laughter next door.
Lest my answers fail because of an off-key rock band practicing for a debutante ball.
Merciful One, may all the panelists be witty and articulate.
May they respond in conversation rather than in the linear to-and-fro of a lengthy table.
May they listen to other's comments.
May they answer the damn questions.
Yea, verily, this I pray.

Show mercy upon our audiences. Let us entertain them mightily and bore them not.
Let us inspire curiosity and chase away slumber.
Let our audiovisual equipment work.
Heavenly One, grant that the convention bar is big and the drinks generous.
Encourage graceful communication.
Free me from embarrassing gaffes that find their way onto the Internet and listservs.
Keep the hotel food safe and devoid of salmonella and listeria.
Yea, verily, this I pray.

O, Joyous One, protect me from anger, jealousy, or a sense of entitlement. Give me the serenity to be myself.
Bless me with the intelligence to retire to privacy before I become a boor in public.

Bring pleasure and success to both panelist and fan. These things I pray.

Amen.

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Comment by Pari Noskin Taichert on March 31, 2007 at 1:51pm
No, no one has killed anyone -- not that I know of -- but I bet most of us wish we could have at one time or another. This isn't being b*tchy . . . it's just sometimes panels can be incredibly flat or odd. It's only happened to me twice -- but both times were horrid.

Laura,
Thanks for stopping by. I hope I didn't sound toooooooo weary. .
Comment by Laura Benedict on March 31, 2007 at 1:10pm
Ah, Pari. This sounds like the voice of weary experience. What a fabulous liturgy!
Comment by Pari Noskin Taichert on March 31, 2007 at 3:40am
I wrote this post originally for Murderati.com. It came as a reaction to experiences at LCC in Seattle.

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