And How About Those Apostrophes!

[Peg Herring]

Pronouns are a mess, but the use of the apostrophe requires a Congressional committee or something. I've been tempted to take on the role of Night Grammarian, going around in a Ninja suit after dark fixing signs that say such things as "Kitten's for Sale" or "10 Items' or Less," or even "Mens' Clothing."

It isn't that hard, but it does require paying attention. My mom, a life-long English teacher, preferred to teach apostrophes this way.
First, reverse the adjective-noun order: "The girls stockings" becomes "The stockings of the girl." If one can do that and it makes sense, then there is need of an apostrophe because the phrase is possessive. ("Items of the 10 or Less" doesn't make sense, so it isn't possessive.)
Now simply look at the last word of the phrase: girl. There's no "s," so you need to add an apostrophe and an "s": "The girl's stockings."
If there is already "s," as when "The girls hockey coach" becomes "The coach of the girls," one would add just an apostrophe: "The girls' hockey coach."

Mom's method is helpful because it makes the process simple and shows the possessive-ness of phrases we sometimes forget, like "a day's pay" or "three hours' time." Since it is "the pay of a day" and there's no "s," we know it needs an apostrophe and where it must go. No concentration required, just use the formula.

Apostrophes may seem complicated at first, but with Mom's method, all it takes is a little practice. This trick eliminates the need to decide if words like "everyone" or "choir" are singular or plural: if it has no "s" on the end, use the formula: "Everyone's opinion (the opinion of everyone) matters." And even words that naturally end in "s," like "Socrates," are manageable: follow the rule and get "Socrates' teachings" (the teachings of Socrates).

Of course apostrophes became more confusing when we started using them for other purposes, such as contractions. The only way to test that is to take the words apart and see if "its" is supposed to mean "it is" or not (possessive pronouns never need apostrophes). It's not difficult, but again, it does require paying attention. And when a person is focused on what she's saying, its easy to miss something as small as that.