Foreword April Pohren for Dueling Microphones


Many light years ago, upon the planet Gelati, a young mother and father tucked their beloved son within a womb-like capsule.  On either side of him rested a microphone and a strange looking gadget that would later be known as a Kindle.  With final kisses upon the cheek and forehead, the mother and father gently and firmly latched the capsule’s door.  With a click, clack and roaring sound, the engine of the capsule was started and launched within space.  Traveling through planets, stars and the beauty of the galaxy, the young infant, later known as Giovanni, cooed and blubbered away, completely ignorant of the glory soon to be bestowed upon him.  Once this prince of the planet, Gelati, was grown and learned of the power which he held over people of the human race, with his words, no one was safe - including his beloved wife, the beautiful Ms. Gelati. 

As the human race quivers and authors everywhere bite over-chewed nails suffering anxiety attacks, Giovanni Gelati picks and chooses his victims with a steady and precise hand.  These authors lives are forever changed as they awake covered in sweat, shivering in shock, gasping for breath that refuses to come.  Nightmares encompass them as flashbacks return over and over again.  Nightmares of what this Giovanni from the planet Gelati had done to them. 

One such victim?  The lovely and wonderful Rose A. Valenta.  An innocent lass who has harmed no one, felt only love and peace for her fellow human beings, bringing laughter and overwhelming light-hearted pleasure to everyone she came in contact with.  Ms. Valenta has always been well-known for putting her own lively spin upon current issues happening within the world.  This spin, one of great humor and engagement.  After all, how can you not love someone who has released a book with the graphic of a toilet upon it’s cover and the title of Sitting on Cold Porcelain?  Yes, Ms. Valenta was a wise and innocent woman, until Giovanni Gelati got his mitts into her.  Now, her life, as well as the lives of her family, friends and humanity will forever be altered.

Humor is the greatest medicine to aid in the reduction of any ailment - emotional, physical and psychological.  Giovanni Gelati has gone an incredibly unique and outstanding way to introduce new and outstanding authors to the world.  Yes, his mother and father knew he was an important specimen when they parted ways and bestowed his presence upon use measly earthlings.  Though at times, we shirk in his genius, we thank him for the delicious - both hilarious and at times suspenseful - collaborations that he has put together with these talented and wondrous authors through The Author Lab/Collaborations.

Now, hike up those big boy/girl lime green thongs, sit back and indulge in the brilliance of Giovanni Gelati and Rose A. Valenta in Dueling Microphones!  Be warned - you will never look at the world the same way again!

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