Forgive Them, For They Know Not

[Peg Herring]

Had lunch with a friend who just signed her first contract, and I got a flashback. You're excited. You've finally done what you longed to do. You tell people you know, "I'm going to be published." And then, like in the Sinatra song, they spoil it all by saying something stupid.

"So you're going to be just like J. K. Rowling, huh?"
"When will I see your book on the NEW YORK TIMES Bestseller List?"
"I guess your husband can retire now that you're making all that money."
"Have Oprah's people called yet?"

MAD magazine used to feature "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions" from time to time. Although it isn't prudent for an author to say them out loud, we sure could use a supply of snappy answers to be mentally flung at the Great Unaware-niks.

[Jon Loomis]

Individual poems are relatively easy to place, especially if you don't insist on print. Books of poetry are another story. And even if you do "sell" one, there's usually no actual money involved, and your audience is maybe a couple of hundred people. My other problem with the poetry biz is that it's such a patronage/matronage system: you really need the help of a powerful sponsor to break into the top tier, get the big prizes and the good teaching jobs. One of the things I love about the crime-writing biz is that it's a pure meritocracy: the only things that matter are how well you write and how many books you can sell.

[Peg Herring]

Yes, some of my teacher friends are quite shocked that I would write mystery (all that blood and gore, you know) and romance. I guess they expected something scholarly after 30 years of teaching, but I went for what's fun to write. And sellable, which poetry and scholarly aren't!

[Jon Loomis]

That's a lot nicer than the responses I got from my poet friends, who all acted like I'd sold my soul to the devil. My fiction-writer buddies got it, though.

[Nick Gadd]

True enough, but I guess it's a bit nicer than "So, you're going to be just like all those other first time authors who sell a few hundred copies then disappear without trace, huh?" or "I guess your income will drop significantly now that you are an author" or "When will I see your book remaindered?" all of which would be more realistic but less tactful!

[Jack Getze]

Mysterious Matters just ran a list of things not to say:

[Peg Herring]

Yeah, like when they used to tell me, "It must be easy being a teacher: summers and holidays off, and you get to sit behind a desk all day." Sigh.

[Benjamin Sobieck]

I don't blame people for saying something "stupid." The author has spent years dreaming about this moment. The person receiving the news is eating a sandwich. I don't expect them to know everything about the publishing world. The fact they don't say, "Don't you know it's rude to interrupt someone when they're eating a sandwich?" is enough for me.

Unless you're also an author, it's probably hard to relate.