This place is serious... way too serious! Life needs balance... so, how about some humor?

I made up some joke replies to bad reviews. Some people besides me have told me that they are funny. Here is my list... please add some of your own!

I'm sorry. The sound of your mind closing distracted me from your comments.

I guess we won't be discussing my book over drinks later then?

Since you got that out of your system, you won't need to see your therapist this week.

Do you have me confused with your ex-wife?

Your review was witty, biting, and visceral, but was it about my book?

I like your reviews. You don't use big words.

Do you need soap and water to clean your glasses?

Your prejudices must be such a help! You know what you think of a book before you've read it.

Anybody have any matches to light to clear the air?

It's amazing how much you and my ex-wife agree. Do you know her?

(for a complete stranger)
It's a good thing you and I are such close friends, otherwise I might be offended.

Did you forget that book reviews are supposed to be more than ad hominem remarks?

After your review, I canceled my annual proctologist's exam.

It's nice to know that I can count on you when I need a kind word.

I guess dating your sister is out.

For your birthday, I'm getting you a new tongue sharpening stone.

I thought your Tourette syndrome was under control.

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Your review was witty, biting, and visceral, but was it about my book?


here's one:

I believe you meant you barely got through it, not bearly.
I've actually received some responses to negative reviews. Unfortunately, none of them were as funny as those.
About bad reviews, I like the George Burns line,
"The only bad publicity you can get is your obituary."


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