Query letters: short and sweet, or detailed? - CrimeSpace2024-03-29T04:44:31Zhttps://crimespace.ning.com/forum/topics/537324:Topic:52969?commentId=537324%3AComment%3A53535&feed=yes&xn_auth=noThanks again, Doug. I can't s…tag:crimespace.ning.com,2007-07-09:537324:Comment:539122007-07-09T16:05:59.057ZChrista M. Millerhttps://crimespace.ning.com/profile/christammiller
Thanks again, Doug. I can't say "Sheriff" because 1) in NH, where the story is set, the sheriff's departments have no power of patrol, etc. - they only serve bench warrants and provide court security. And 2) it is actually set in a town large enough to have its own PD (as opposed to where I live now, which is too rural for a PD but too large not to have a "contract deputy"). I like your point about "New England," though.<br />
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As for school resource officers, most schools signed them on after…
Thanks again, Doug. I can't say "Sheriff" because 1) in NH, where the story is set, the sheriff's departments have no power of patrol, etc. - they only serve bench warrants and provide court security. And 2) it is actually set in a town large enough to have its own PD (as opposed to where I live now, which is too rural for a PD but too large not to have a "contract deputy"). I like your point about "New England," though.<br />
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As for school resource officers, most schools signed them on after Columbine, and still have them even despite federal budget cutbacks to community policing programs - which paid for initial salaries. Just a minor detail, though. "A serial killer has targeted…tag:crimespace.ning.com,2007-07-09:537324:Comment:539102007-07-09T15:51:49.643ZDoug Woodhttps://crimespace.ning.com/profile/DougWood
"A serial killer has targeted the girls she hangs out with in their small New Hampshire town...."<br />
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Works for me, but might be just as good to say "New England town" rather than New Hampshire. Gets you almost all the same credit for those who have particular interest in the region without losing those whose interest is in Maine or Vermont or RI, etc. Like saying "Southwest" instead of Tucson or Santa Fe or West Texas.<br />
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Also, in your first version posted here, one could have inferred from your…
"A serial killer has targeted the girls she hangs out with in their small New Hampshire town...."<br />
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Works for me, but might be just as good to say "New England town" rather than New Hampshire. Gets you almost all the same credit for those who have particular interest in the region without losing those whose interest is in Maine or Vermont or RI, etc. Like saying "Southwest" instead of Tucson or Santa Fe or West Texas.<br />
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Also, in your first version posted here, one could have inferred from your use of the term "Sheriff" that it was not a big city, but if you are now giving a more specific place name you can get more specific about the job title of the cop. And speaking of job titles, the original version referred to a "school resource officer" which I had to guess at from context. Probably is new-speak for what my generation called a "counselor", but if more people these days will "get it" better than not, no problem. i agree with harry. i don't k…tag:crimespace.ning.com,2007-07-08:537324:Comment:537082007-07-08T21:45:24.847ZAnne Frasierhttps://crimespace.ning.com/profile/annefrasier
i agree with harry. i don't know much about query letters, but i would think the first line should have a strong hook with a sentence that could actually stand on its own as a short description of the whole story.
i agree with harry. i don't know much about query letters, but i would think the first line should have a strong hook with a sentence that could actually stand on its own as a short description of the whole story. Hmm. I have to think about th…tag:crimespace.ning.com,2007-07-08:537324:Comment:535372007-07-08T16:53:22.998ZChrista M. Millerhttps://crimespace.ning.com/profile/christammiller
Hmm. I have to think about that. On my first read, that dilemma seems like it hangs out there in the ether. I was going for conflict leading to dilemma. Maybe it needs another rewrite.<br />
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I've looked into Backspace, but I need fewer online communities in my life, not more! I have such limited time to work that I have to watch what I'm doing with it. On the other hand, if I manage to hire help with the kids this fall, maybe I can manage it!
Hmm. I have to think about that. On my first read, that dilemma seems like it hangs out there in the ether. I was going for conflict leading to dilemma. Maybe it needs another rewrite.<br />
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I've looked into Backspace, but I need fewer online communities in my life, not more! I have such limited time to work that I have to watch what I'm doing with it. On the other hand, if I manage to hire help with the kids this fall, maybe I can manage it! Doug, thanks for all the grea…tag:crimespace.ning.com,2007-07-08:537324:Comment:535352007-07-08T16:45:52.901ZChrista M. Millerhttps://crimespace.ning.com/profile/christammiller
Doug, thanks for all the great input. How does this read: "Patrolman Ray Trueman knows his daughter Alyssa has all the wrong friends. She's trapped in an abusive relationship. A serial killer has targeted the girls she hangs out with in their small New Hampshire town...." Does that work, or is it too obviously stuck in there?
Doug, thanks for all the great input. How does this read: "Patrolman Ray Trueman knows his daughter Alyssa has all the wrong friends. She's trapped in an abusive relationship. A serial killer has targeted the girls she hangs out with in their small New Hampshire town...." Does that work, or is it too obviously stuck in there? I like to lead with the centr…tag:crimespace.ning.com,2007-07-07:537324:Comment:532342007-07-07T16:40:44.049ZHarry Hunsickerhttps://crimespace.ning.com/profile/harryhunsicker
I like to lead with the central dilemma facing the main character. Consider this as a starting point:<br />
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<i>To save the life of his troubled daughter, patrolman Ray Trueman must trust the two least trustworthy people he knows, his ex-partner and a rookie resource officer with a hero's complex. Ray knows his daughter has all the wrong friends, he just didn't realize how wrong some of them were . . . .</i><br />
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If you're not a member, consider joining <a href="http://www.bksp.org">Backspace</a>, an…
I like to lead with the central dilemma facing the main character. Consider this as a starting point:<br />
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<i>To save the life of his troubled daughter, patrolman Ray Trueman must trust the two least trustworthy people he knows, his ex-partner and a rookie resource officer with a hero's complex. Ray knows his daughter has all the wrong friends, he just didn't realize how wrong some of them were . . . .</i><br />
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If you're not a member, consider joining <a href="http://www.bksp.org">Backspace</a>, an online writers' community. You can sign up for a free, five-day trial run and then after that the cost is pretty minimal, maybe $20 a year.<br />
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The site has HUGE threads archived about writing query letters as well as a forum devoted to getting feedback on your own query letter. If you post your letter there, you will get loads of good advice. I would also consider adding…tag:crimespace.ning.com,2007-07-07:537324:Comment:532312007-07-07T15:53:24.098ZDoug Woodhttps://crimespace.ning.com/profile/DougWood
I would also consider adding a hint about location. Not a deal breaker, but some small presses might favor a work based on the perception that the setting is one of the things in which they specialize. Either by personal preference of the editor/publisher, or because they see marketing potential for some settings more than others. Backfire potential is there too, if the DON'T like the location.<br />
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Not saying the setting WILL add or detract from the sales potential, only that it MIGHT add or…
I would also consider adding a hint about location. Not a deal breaker, but some small presses might favor a work based on the perception that the setting is one of the things in which they specialize. Either by personal preference of the editor/publisher, or because they see marketing potential for some settings more than others. Backfire potential is there too, if the DON'T like the location.<br />
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Not saying the setting WILL add or detract from the sales potential, only that it MIGHT add or detract from the interest level for some editors/publishers/readers. Who would have thought that setting a crime film in North Dakota would have been a success? FARGO worked, either because of or in spite of the setting. That's an interesting idea. M…tag:crimespace.ning.com,2007-07-07:537324:Comment:532252007-07-07T15:00:01.731ZChrista M. Millerhttps://crimespace.ning.com/profile/christammiller
That's an interesting idea. Maybe I should include more detail about my freelancing experience and how good I am at bending over backwards to accommodate my clients!
That's an interesting idea. Maybe I should include more detail about my freelancing experience and how good I am at bending over backwards to accommodate my clients! Cornelia and Harry, thanks fo…tag:crimespace.ning.com,2007-07-07:537324:Comment:532232007-07-07T14:58:21.989ZChrista M. Millerhttps://crimespace.ning.com/profile/christammiller
Cornelia and Harry, thanks for including your queries!<br />
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All responses are really helpful. I was struggling because I actually have 3 POV characters, but was able to figure out what ties them together to come up with this hook:<br />
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"Patrolman Ray Trueman knows his daughter Alyssa has all the wrong friends. She's trapped in an abusive relationship. A serial killer has targeted the girls she hangs out with. And she knows what her boyfriend and his best friend did last summer--which puts her in…
Cornelia and Harry, thanks for including your queries!<br />
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All responses are really helpful. I was struggling because I actually have 3 POV characters, but was able to figure out what ties them together to come up with this hook:<br />
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"Patrolman Ray Trueman knows his daughter Alyssa has all the wrong friends. She's trapped in an abusive relationship. A serial killer has targeted the girls she hangs out with. And she knows what her boyfriend and his best friend did last summer--which puts her in jeopardy, too.<br />
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To save her life, Ray must trust it with two people who may not be as trustworthy they should be: a rookie school resource officer with a hero complex, and Ray's ex-partner, a detective who botched the last major case she worked."<br />
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I'd like to note which other fiction it's like, but unfortunately I don't have time or resources to try to discover new authors... do you all feel this is an important element of a query? I'd say do a paragraph on the…tag:crimespace.ning.com,2007-07-07:537324:Comment:531382007-07-07T01:37:55.722ZCornelia Readhttps://crimespace.ning.com/profile/corneliaread
I'd say do a paragraph on the story, about five sentences. Mine went like this:<br />
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Dear (INSERT REAL NAME HERE),<br />
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Closet debutante and fledgling journalist Madeline Dare would be the first to tell you her money’s so old there’s none left. The summer of 1988 finds her in brokedown upstate New York and desperate to achieve escape velocity. When a set of dogtags turns up at the scene of a decades-unsolved double murder, she may have found that longed-for ticket out of town. Downside: the name on the…
I'd say do a paragraph on the story, about five sentences. Mine went like this:<br />
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Dear (INSERT REAL NAME HERE),<br />
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Closet debutante and fledgling journalist Madeline Dare would be the first to tell you her money’s so old there’s none left. The summer of 1988 finds her in brokedown upstate New York and desperate to achieve escape velocity. When a set of dogtags turns up at the scene of a decades-unsolved double murder, she may have found that longed-for ticket out of town. Downside: the name on the tags is that of her favorite cousin, scion of a vindictive and still-powerful branch of the family. Maddy’s investigation triggers a string of grisly new murders, and the trail of blue blood leads right to her door.<br />
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Sore Excuse [now FIELD OF DARKNESS], the first novel in a projected series, runs 100,000 words [now 95,000, though I had it down to 90k at one point]. It will, I hope, appeal to readers of Susan Isaacs’ mysteries, and of Nelson DeMille’s Gold Coast.<br />
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I have 17 years’ experience as a journalist and editor in New York and elsewhere, and a B.A. in creative writing from Sarah Lawrence College. I’ve been showing the manuscript to friends in the industry for comments and support. So far, informal response has been strongly positive.<br />
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These readers include Blah Blah Blah of Mucky Muck, Whosiwhats the editor of Brilliant Whatever Review, and Countess von Mumbledy-Gloop.<br />
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It was XXXXXX who recommended you as an outstanding agent. While this is a multiple submission, I would be most honored to have your representation for my work especially as I am such a fan of YOUR CLIENT HERE’s writing.<br />
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I’m enclosing an SASE for your response. Thank you very much for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you soon.<br />
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Sincerely,<br />
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Cornelia Read<br />
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I sent it to about 45 agents and four were interested in signing me. I was lucky. Didn't send pages with it unless they specifically asked for them in their agency guidelines. My favorite rejection was the one who said "this is a project over which we paused," whatever the hell THAT means...<br />
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Good Luck!!!!