First Chapter: A Wonder Unto Many - CrimeSpace2024-03-29T11:08:30Zhttps://crimespace.ning.com/forum/topics/537324:Topic:6891?commentId=537324%3AComment%3A7658&feed=yes&xn_auth=noKathryn, thanks for taking th…tag:crimespace.ning.com,2007-03-21:537324:Comment:95622007-03-21T01:47:08.467ZScott Hesshttps://crimespace.ning.com/profile/scotthess
Kathryn, thanks for taking the time to read and comment! I really appreciate it. I'll try your idea for changing the opening. As for the pace...I know what you mean. Sometimes I'm guilty of enjoying watching myself write. A no-no! <br />
<br />
Again, thanks! <br />
<br />
- Scott
Kathryn, thanks for taking the time to read and comment! I really appreciate it. I'll try your idea for changing the opening. As for the pace...I know what you mean. Sometimes I'm guilty of enjoying watching myself write. A no-no! <br />
<br />
Again, thanks! <br />
<br />
- Scott I read it and liked it very m…tag:crimespace.ning.com,2007-03-18:537324:Comment:79442007-03-18T15:20:20.272ZKathryn Lilleyhttps://crimespace.ning.com/profile/KathrynL
I read it and liked it very much, too. I would definitely keep reading. Love the<br></br>self-deprecating humor. I agree that you could tighten up the action a bit--set up<br></br>the conflict with the red-faced giant, and then dispatch him, a bit faster. Then get us back to<br></br>what we're really interested in, which is your main character's crumbling world, and the problems he faces. This is TOTALLY just IMHO, but I also had a suggestion for the opener--if you move the opening profanity so that<br></br>it…
I read it and liked it very much, too. I would definitely keep reading. Love the<br/>self-deprecating humor. I agree that you could tighten up the action a bit--set up<br/>the conflict with the red-faced giant, and then dispatch him, a bit faster. Then get us back to<br/>what we're really interested in, which is your main character's crumbling world, and the problems he faces. This is TOTALLY just IMHO, but I also had a suggestion for the opener--if you move the opening profanity so that<br/>it follows "...those were the good old days.", then the profanity would serve as a natural break<br/>that would start off your gym scene. And I think that using your second line to open the story would be as strong as the profanity opener, if not stronger. You might also find a verb that parallels "climbing" in that line to indicate what the protag is facing. So, for example, instead of saying On the morning my life fell apart," could be "On the morning my world crashed," because crash is the oposite of climbing. Oh, and somewhere in the gym scene, give us a sense of what's going on in the environment around these two characters. Are there people around who are reacting to this profanity-spewing guy as well?
Phew! All this just my two cents, just like we give in our writing groups! Scott, I have a writer friend…tag:crimespace.ning.com,2007-03-18:537324:Comment:76592007-03-18T01:48:13.638ZMeriah Crawfordhttps://crimespace.ning.com/profile/Meriah
Scott, I have a writer friend in Chicago (last I checked). Want me to check with him and see if he can recommend a writing group, or a good way to find one? The right group can be an amazing thing. The wrong one - I've been there, too - a complete waste of time. You might also consider an online group, which I've had good luck with.
Scott, I have a writer friend in Chicago (last I checked). Want me to check with him and see if he can recommend a writing group, or a good way to find one? The right group can be an amazing thing. The wrong one - I've been there, too - a complete waste of time. You might also consider an online group, which I've had good luck with. I tend to roll my eyes when p…tag:crimespace.ning.com,2007-03-18:537324:Comment:76582007-03-18T01:46:26.990ZMeriah Crawfordhttps://crimespace.ning.com/profile/Meriah
I tend to roll my eyes when people say "show, don't tell." Storytelling is all about telling, after all. It's just a matter of finding the right balance. That's a difficult thing, I cheerfully admit.
I tend to roll my eyes when people say "show, don't tell." Storytelling is all about telling, after all. It's just a matter of finding the right balance. That's a difficult thing, I cheerfully admit. I'm with Rob. Snappy, engagin…tag:crimespace.ning.com,2007-03-17:537324:Comment:73362007-03-17T17:00:25.458ZBill Cameronhttps://crimespace.ning.com/profile/bcameron
I'm with Rob. Snappy, engaging, funny. You took a chance with your first word, because there's a risk people will take it as a lurid attempt to grab attention with naughty words. But then you sold it. Nice job.
I'm with Rob. Snappy, engaging, funny. You took a chance with your first word, because there's a risk people will take it as a lurid attempt to grab attention with naughty words. But then you sold it. Nice job. I've always maintained that,…tag:crimespace.ning.com,2007-03-17:537324:Comment:71332007-03-17T05:00:09.858ZRobert Gregory Brownehttps://crimespace.ning.com/profile/RobGregoryBrowne
I've always maintained that, unlike screenwriting, rather than Show Don't Tell, novels are actually Show AND Tell. And in this case, since you have such an engaging voice and an engaging character, the telling is fine.<br />
<br />
But, yes, as the story goes on, you'll definitely have to get more into the showing side. I already assume that's what you'll be doing.
I've always maintained that, unlike screenwriting, rather than Show Don't Tell, novels are actually Show AND Tell. And in this case, since you have such an engaging voice and an engaging character, the telling is fine.<br />
<br />
But, yes, as the story goes on, you'll definitely have to get more into the showing side. I already assume that's what you'll be doing. Meriah, thanks a ton. I reall…tag:crimespace.ning.com,2007-03-17:537324:Comment:70642007-03-17T01:56:10.656ZScott Hesshttps://crimespace.ning.com/profile/scotthess
Meriah, thanks a ton. I really appreciate your comments and your time.<br></br><br></br>Yeah, the showing/telling thing. Probably the greatest single piece of advice in all of creative writing. Will try to ferret out more of the latter in favor of the former. Thanks. Will also try to eliminate redundancy and repeating myself. Heh.<br></br><br></br>As for a writing group, I'd welcome the right one in these parts (Chicago). What I don't want is to end up in a group full of lunatics and beginners. Been there,…
Meriah, thanks a ton. I really appreciate your comments and your time.<br/><br/>Yeah, the showing/telling thing. Probably the greatest single piece of advice in all of creative writing. Will try to ferret out more of the latter in favor of the former. Thanks. Will also try to eliminate redundancy and repeating myself. Heh.<br/><br/>As for a writing group, I'd welcome the right one in these parts (Chicago). What I don't want is to end up in a group full of lunatics and beginners. Been there, done that. Granted, this tan pot may be finger-pointing at some pale kettles. But you know what I mean.<br/><br/>Can't 'zactly pull off the foot rub, of course, but would be happy to find some substitute. (Is there any real substitute for a good foot rub? Never mind.)<br/><br/>Again, much thanks. Very generous.<br/><br/>- Scott Hey Scott,
I read it and lik…tag:crimespace.ning.com,2007-03-17:537324:Comment:70532007-03-17T01:04:18.417ZMeriah Crawfordhttps://crimespace.ning.com/profile/Meriah
Hey Scott,<br />
<br />
I read it and liked it. The writing's funny, and you've got an interesting and compelling start. The MC is someone I want to hang out with, get to know better.<br />
<br />
What I'd suggest, though, is less telling and more showing. To some degree, you spend time telling the readers stuff they can figure out from the action and dialogue. You also repeat yourself a bit. You don't need to tell us more than once that he likes to enforce politeness. In fact, let him say it, give us a story as a…
Hey Scott,<br />
<br />
I read it and liked it. The writing's funny, and you've got an interesting and compelling start. The MC is someone I want to hang out with, get to know better.<br />
<br />
What I'd suggest, though, is less telling and more showing. To some degree, you spend time telling the readers stuff they can figure out from the action and dialogue. You also repeat yourself a bit. You don't need to tell us more than once that he likes to enforce politeness. In fact, let him say it, give us a story as a good example (to show us what you really mean) and then we'll understand.<br />
<br />
One thing I recommend, if you're not already in one, is to find a writing group. They can be invaluable for helping smooth out the little stuff like that. <br />
<br />
Good luck with it! <br />
<br />
Now, for my foot rub... Wow. I'm aiming a little on t…tag:crimespace.ning.com,2007-03-16:537324:Comment:69822007-03-16T22:50:25.971ZScott Hesshttps://crimespace.ning.com/profile/scotthess
Wow. I'm aiming a little on the hard-case side of things, but didn't know I was actually hittin' it. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks.
Wow. I'm aiming a little on the hard-case side of things, but didn't know I was actually hittin' it. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Absolutely serious. It remind…tag:crimespace.ning.com,2007-03-16:537324:Comment:69322007-03-16T21:49:07.607ZRobert Gregory Brownehttps://crimespace.ning.com/profile/RobGregoryBrowne
Absolutely serious. It reminds me of the books I used to love when I was growing up, all that stuff by Richard Prather and M.E. Chaber, with a little bit of Westlake thrown in. If you can sustain this for 400 pages and keep the story moving, I think you'll have a winner.
Absolutely serious. It reminds me of the books I used to love when I was growing up, all that stuff by Richard Prather and M.E. Chaber, with a little bit of Westlake thrown in. If you can sustain this for 400 pages and keep the story moving, I think you'll have a winner.