This has nothing to do with crime fiction unless habitual lying is applicable. I missed the Slate contest, so here's my entry. Anyone game for this? We could have our own contest.
"And when I saw that Caribou I knew that I was right about Alaska and that if I was right about Alaska I was right about the United States and even New York. I pray for homosexuals and communists. I know what people want, people in the little towns where chopping a chicken's head off and watching it run around is all you need to do on Friday Night."