Dealing with People You Can't Stand

[Peg Herring]

I met a person last weekend who immediately made me angry, which doesn't happen all that often. We all have types we avoid, and for me it's the person who, obviously feeling that he/she knows best about everything and everyone, launches upon first meeting into an analysis of what you are doing that is WRONG, WRONG, WRONG. My anger faded quickly once I reminded myself that this person is actually a rather sad sort, trying to make the world fit an outdated idea with pure bombast and nastiness.

I was given a book some years ago that helps me cope with such people. It's called DEALING WITH PEOPLE YOU CAN'T STAND, and it defines certain types we meet who are tough to deal with and gives ideas on how to do it successfully. A person like the one I met isn't a problem, since I never have to deal with that person again. The style displayed was what the book calls a bulldozer type. If he/she attacks you, stating with all sorts of confidence that you are making bad decisions, she gets what she wants. She feels like the expert, you feel like an idiot. It doesn't matter, apparently, that feelings are hurt and you wish the two of you had never met.

I have to remind myself about the book in such situations, but if I do, I'm pretty good at not feeling like an idiot. This woman knows nothing about me, and her "advice" is based on her view of the world, not mine. If I did as she said I'd be like her, and that's about the last thing I want. I felt pretty good as I sat there, doing what my grandmother always advised, "Listen to others when you must, but think what you darned well please."

[Peg Herring]

I love Dana's boldness, but I think this person would make a great irritating neighbor in my next book, too!

[Dana King]

I was once sitting at a bar next to someone who was as politically opposite from me as possible. (Which side either of us was one is not germane.) He went on, unsolicited, about half a dozen current events, giving the party line on each, and describing why they were right and everyone else was naive at best, more likely ignorant, and downright un-American at worst.

After about five minutes he came up for air and asked what I thought. Looking straight ahead, I said, "I think you're full of shit," and resumed drinking my beer. That's the last I heard from him that night.

Not recommending that for everyone, but it worked for me.

[I. J. Parker]

Nasty people make good characters.