I Should Be Banned from Football

[Peg Herring]

Forget druggie athletes, gambling coaches, and dishonest GMs. I should be banned from football, maybe all sports, because the slightest interest from me and a team goes into a disastrous tailspin. They couldn't win if the other team decided to boycott the second half and stay in the locker room where it's warm.

Of course I'd like to see Detroit win a game. It's humiliating that Michigan is the nation's worst state in so many areas, but football? Come on, we're the tough guys, the Black and Blue Division. Not only is Detroit downright pathetic, but there isn't a team in our division that stands a snowball's chance of advancing in the playoffs. Green Bay? Sadly lacking in the getting-it-done factor. Chicago? Lost in confusion. Minnesota? Good at climbing to the top of the division at the end of the regular season and then throwing the playoffs away in the first round. And it's all my fault, because I try to be a loyal fan and cheer on my favorite team (GB), my home team (Det), and my division representative, whoever that ends up being. And as soon as my brain forms the thought, "I hope they do well," it's all over for those poor guys.

I've tried non-caring, telling myself that it doesn't matter who wins the game. But the thought sneaks in unbidden, and then it's curtains. Yesterday I thought, "Dallas, Pittsburg, who cares?" But as I watched, I somehow started thinking "That's good," when Dallas made a play, and before you know it, I'd scotched their chances. You might think Big Ben came through, but really, it was me applauding the Cowboys mentally that brought the Steelers' victory.

So, yes, I should be banned. But I've been wrecking careers and tipping the balance for about forty years now, and they haven't tumbled to it. So I'll keep watching...and griping.

[Peg Herring]

Yeah, but 0 and 13? As if being the headquarters for GM, Ford and Chrysler wasn't enough...