A CAT'S TAIL
I knew it was going to be bad when I found the head at the bottom of the stairs.
“The neighbors reported hearing a scuffle, then a scream, then nothing.” The uniform paused to flip the page in his notebook. “Then they said they thought they saw a tall man with dark hair running off."
I climbed to the top of the stairs and examined the body. She was wearing a long housecoat and other than missing a head, looked rather peaceful. There was some evidence of the reported scuffle, a broken fingernail and some bruising on what was left of her neck.
“Detective Taylor, we’ve found something.”
I walked toward the Crime Scene Tech in the adjoining room. He pointed to a six-inch butcher knife on the floor, a thick layer of blood coated the knife. As I looked up, I noted the broken window and the splintered glass underneath the window frame. It was starting to come together.
“Well, it looks like the perp entered through this window and…”
A shrill meow behind me broke my concentration and I instinctively looked back. A uniformed officer was holding a black cat, a gold badge dangling from the cat’s neck.
‘Son of a bitch.’
“Lt. Puss Puss, I didn’t know you were coming down here”
Merrooow, Meow, Meow.
“Sir, I think it is too early to question anyone, we don’t even have a suspect.”
Hiss, Meow, Merrooow.
“I understand it’s the mayor’s daughter, but we need to take our time to be certain we get the right person.”
Merrooow, Meow, Meow, Merrooow, Meow.
I turned away. ‘Fucking affirmative action. What kind of idiot would think that we don’t have enough cats in management positions? I mean the last crime that fucking cat solved was finding missing cookies.’
“With all due respect sir”, the sneer was evident in my voice, “ I find it hard to believe that she was killed because of an argument over a catnip mouse.”
Hiss, Hiss, Merrooow, Hiss.
“Insubordination! I’ll show up fucking insubordination!” I grabbed Lt. Puss Puss and threw him out the window. “Let’s see if you can fly, you little fucker.”
Well as luck would have it, Puss Puss landed on the murderer, who was hiding out in the bushes under the window. After a brief struggle, a seriously scratched up perp was arrested by two uniforms.
Now Lt. Puss Puss was given a medal for heroism for catching the murderer and promoted to Captain.
And my reward? I now walk a beat in bum town and think of all of the ways to skin a cat.