Top Ten Reasons to Quit Writing

[Jude Hardin]

10. The odds of landing a book deal right now are about the same as winning the lottery and being struck by lightning on the same day.

9. Even if you do manage to get a book deal, you can make more money bagging groceries.

8. Blank, white, rectangular thingies with the number 1 in the top right corner make you want to puke.

7. You could never write anything as good as {insert name of favorite author here}, so why even bother?

6. If you add one more rejection letter to the pile, the Earth might actually tilt on its axis.

5. There’s this abstract concept you vaguely remember called “a life,” and you’re starting to think you might need to get one.

4. You’re so preoccupied sometimes, complete strangers tap you on the shoulder and say, “Are you all right?”

3. You plan to make whoever was responsible for getting your order wrong at Hardee’s drive-thru yesterday a victim in your next mystery.

2. You have erotic dreams about the sales clerk at Staples.

And the number one reason to quit writing is...

Screw it. I'm not even going to waste my time posting the number one reason. If you’re really a writer, you’ll just ignore it anyway.

[Jude Hardin]

That's why I go to Office Depot, Clay.

[Jon Loomis]

Am I missing something here? Office Depot? Really?

[Jude Hardin]

Well, Jon, I tried Hooters, but they didn't have the printer cartridge I needed.

[Jon Loomis]

I've never actually been in a Hooters. It's chicken wings and push-up bras, right? In what decade was that a big deal?

[Jude Hardin]

I don't know. I think Reagan was president last time I went. They had a good grouper sandwich, if I remember correctly.

[Jon Loomis]

Sure they did, Jude. ; /

Mind, I'm not saying I object, in theory--it's the fake wholesomeness at the heart of the Hooters concept that bugs me. There's a full-nude strip club not far from here that has a prime rib buffet on Friday nights--I've never been, but the idea works for me. If you want to ogle young, good-looking women while you eat, why mess around?

[I. J. Parker]

I would have thought that would interfere horribly with enjoying a good meal. You've got to stay focused on the prime rib.

[Jon Loomis]

You have a point there. I'm all about mono-tasking.

[Cynthia Rice]

I saw drive-through Hooters's in NW Florida when attending a conference. Wonder how that works.

[Julie Lomoe]

Love your list, Jude! But my top ten reasons involve things I like to do instead of writing. Like downhill skiing, for example, or going to Nia or Zumba classes at the Y. Strange that I'm becoming a jock in my senior years. when I was always the most uncoordinated kid in the class. TV is a big distraction, as is reading other peoples' novels to further my understanding of the genre. And I hate scotch, but I never need an excuse to welcome in the evening with wine, whether I've written that day or not.

[Jude Hardin]

You're right, Julie. You have to make writing a priority, and stay focused. The world is full of distractions, and it's easy to lose sight of our goals sometimes.

[Debbi Mack]

#1 They're publishing novels based on blogs and video games, so what's the point?

And, you're right. I'll keep writing anyhow.