I was at the LAT Book Festival this weekend and witnessed some real doozies. I was hard pressed to pick a winner for the funniest BPS moment but I think it's a tie between the lady who had her nine year old kid wearing a sandwich board of her book cover and the genius who put up a pocket file full of "free poetry" on the back of the door to one of the stalls in the ladies room.

The sandwich board idea was obviously a flop, since I remember the unsure look on the little girl's face and the mom leaning in and telling her "It's working, see, people are noticing you!" but I couldn't recall the name of the author or the book with a gun to my head. On the other hand, the pocket folder of free poetry was empty, so clearly somebody took it. Maybe the stall ran out of toilet paper.

Apologies to either of those two ambitious individuals if they are reading this, but honestly kids, that's really a bit much.

What was the silliest, most over-the-top promotional trick you've ever witnessed. Book covers painted on elephants? Tattooed on bellydancers? Custom condom wrappers? (Hey, wait a minute... MONEY SHOT condoms. Hmmm........)

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At my signing last weekend, I really did give puppies away. Of course, they were two inch long plushies attached to bookmarks. But they were still puppies!

But I now see that I should have attached ballgags to the bookmarks, despite the evident popularity of the plush puppies. My next novel features a cockring, which presents obvious promotional opportunities, of course. I could get a bunch embossed with my ISBN number or something, or maybe laser etched with my picture!
If it's got your photo on it, does that mean it will be sized to fit?
Sorry, I need all my ballgags. You can never have too many.
Remind me not to go to your house for cocktails...Oh, wait...on second thought...
National Lampoon's cover from sometime in the late 1970s had a hand holding a revolver (hand gun) to a dog's head with the caption: Buy this magazine or we shoot the dog!
A portion of every sale goes to help buy hair care products for idol contestants who can't afford styling gel. It's called "Books for Looks."
Coat every copy with contact poison and tell people after they've picked it up and put it back down again, saying that "I just don't read." that if they buy it they get the antidote.
But shouldn't they be able read the dosage instruction? Damn, there's that pesky conscience again.
You really should do something about that. It'll only get in the way.
This coming from a gun wielding chimp in a cheap suit? At least use some of Karyn's gel...you know, from the Gel Drive.
Hey, don't knock the suit. It's the only thing that makes me classy.
I'm seeing some potential in a Gel Drive, Karyn. And a new slogan - It takes a salon to raise a child.


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