What Kind of Horse Are You?

[Jane Cleland]

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What Kind of Horse Are You?

I'm not a clothes horse. I select outfits for comfort, not style. In other words, I'm a comfort horse.

When I was twelve, my father told me that he would gladly pay for any and all beauty treatments. He liked his women well-kempt. My mother was more of a comfort-first sort of gal, so this was his way of suggesting that I try a different approach. From that unspoken—and to be fair, perhaps, unintended—message, I learned an important lesson—comfort horses aren't as valued by men as beauty horses.

Be that as it may, and not to belabor a metaphor, but it didn't take me long to learn that for me at least, it's impossible to change horses midstream. A comfort horse I was, and a comfort horse I am. Sorry, Dad.

One of my nephews tells me he's a restaurant horse. If he has extra cash, he spends it on fine dining. A writer friend of my acquaintance always looks like a million bucks—she's a classic clothes horse. Another friend has been lasered and botoxed and nipped; she's obviously a beauty horse. A guy I know is a water rat—he sails, dives, snorkels, lives on the coast, kayaks for relaxation, you get my drift—obviously, he's a water horse. So... what kind of horse are you?

It's important to know. It says everything about you. It's the public statement about your values and interests and aspirations. If you get extra money, how would you spend it? And how do you feel about that? Are you pleased with the horse you are? Or do you wish you were a different horse?

My dad died long ago, when I was a teenager, but you know what? I think he'd like me just fine, even though I'm not his stated first choice in horses. I think he spoke a big game about admiring well-groomed gals, but in his heart, he liked comfort-horse gals the best. High-maintenance, nah. Relaxed and friendly, hootie mama! That's me! A comfort-horse girl who cooks comfort food and has comfortable chairs and strives to have the people in her life feel welcome and valued, and yes, comfortable.

I have no way of knowing if I'm right, of course... but I certainly hope so. I loved my dad a lot, and I hope that how I am would please him.