People Should Come with Warning Labels

I don't know why this came into my head, but it's true. We all should have labels, like the little packets of nuts the airlines used to give us that said, "Contains nuts." Okay, pretty obvious. But people should be alerted to people.

My husband's label, for example, would say: "Be aware that this man is always early." I learned it when we were dating, but pizza cooks, golf partners, and newspaper vendors might benefit from knowing that if the time established is 6:00, he'll be there at 5:40, maybe 5:45 if I can hold onto him for a few minutes.

"Female Relative A" might wear a sign that says, "Warning: if you engage this woman in conversation, you will not escape in less than 60 minutes." She has no lesser time span, so you might as well be prepared. I sort laundry.

"Friend B" is one people tolerate better if they know from the first that everything relates to her. She really isn't a selfish person; in fact she can be quite generous, but her consciousness only encompasses her own concerns. If you tell her that Friend C had a car accident, her comment is going to be, "Oh, no! She'll miss my party tomorrow night."

"Acquaintance D" needs a big sign that says: "CAUTION: This person frequently loses any semblance of tact and says things that may be hurtful if taken seriously." No intent here, just a tendency to blurt.

And of course there are many varieties of the "Do not expect this person to do what he/she says" type. They promise to call, promise to show up, even promise to love, honor, and obey, but they don't. They probably meant it at the time, but a warning might help ease our disappointment down the road a piece.

So there's my idea: give them a warning label to prevent tragedies large and small. Like the fans that say, "Do not put fingers into blades while fan is running," it may sound silly at first, but there is that temptation to believe that this time will be different. A sign will serve as a reminder that things don't change, and certainly people don't.

My sign? Oh, it probably would warn: "Caution: this person has a tendency to critically analyze others."

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