What a Spector-cle!

[Writers Plot]

posted by Leann Sweeney

I loved watching the Watergate hearings. I was pregnant at the time and had quit working during my 7th month, so Watergate totally entertained me. And O.J.? I took my tiny TV to the job so I wouldn't miss a word or a glove or a stupid, lying witness. It's the mystery writer in me. I am fascinated by crime. Will be until the day I die. And now, I am mesmerized by the Phil Spector trial. I barely had a clue who he was until recently and sadly, I have missed significant chunks of testimony, but I am doing my best to catch up since this is all very very interesting.

There's the defendant himself, who could be cast for a horror movie. Who is doing this man's hair? Wes Craven? He's creepy. Plain creepy. But on the other side of the courtroom is the assistant D.A. whose name I cannot remember. Gorgeous. Brilliant. And oh how I wish he'd cross-examine me, if you know what I mean. The Court TV commentators range from serious to ridiculous, but they are the side show. The real action is in that courtroom.

Phil Spector was a rising star in the music industry very early in his life and married Veronica, the lead singer of the Ronettes after helping the group rocket to stardom. In her autobiography, she talks about how she was a prisoner in their home for five years after they were married--barbed wire and everything. She's had a very strange memory loss since penning that book in 1989. The smell of future money will do that to you, I suppose. But other Spector love interests (or hate interests might be more accurate) followed and they seemed to meet a similar fate as what Ronnie the Ronette can or cannot remember. Yes indeed, several of the prosecution witnesses are ladies Spector once dated. One of them must have had Michael Jackson's plastic surgeon, but I digress. Seems they were all threatened with a gun bySpector when they wouldn't do what he wanted.

Circumstantial you say. True. But there is other evidence. Plenty of forensic testimony. Blood spatter experts galore. This is important because the defense claims that Lana Clarkson, the deceased actress who had met Spector at the House of Blues the night she died, took her own life in Spector's house after he brought her home. According to Spector's lawyer's, she put a gun in her mouth and killed herself. (Thus the need for the most expensive blood spatter experts money can buy). We're supposed to forget Spector actually said something like "I shot someone." The jury is supposed to believe that it's much more probable that Lana Clarkson went to a stranger's home, drank herself stupid and then shot herself at the very moment an old guy who had taken an overdose of Viagra, is singing "Be my baby now-ow-ow"? Okay, maybe it would drive someone to suicide, but come on.

Anyway, this week has been especially wonderful. Yesterday, the defense witness was Punkin Pie. I don't think that's the name she used when they swore her in, but that's what she calls herself. And my hero D.A. made significant non-testimony points by addressing her during cross as "Miss Pie" every chance he got. Hehehe. She's supposed to be a close friend of the victim, who days before the murder (oh yeah, I've made up my mind on murder) says Lana called her, very distraught and told her she wanted "out," as in permanently out. Lana was a B list actress who had broken both wrists and was taking a little of Hollywood's favorite candy, Vicodin, when she had this conversation with Miss Pie. Trouble is, Miss Pie didn't mention this until two and a half years later--to the defense attorneys right before trial. I think the refrain went something like this: "Oh puh-lease let me be on Court TV as a defense witness. Please. Please. Please! I"m writing a book!"

And we got to meet Baby Doll, a former Hollywood madam who is also on the defense witness list but because of the "infammatory nature" of her possible testimony has currently been put on ice by the judge. This judge is no star struck Ito, that's for sure. So what does Baby Doll do after the judge nixes her testimony? She decides to tell the press what she would have said, given the chance. Her bad. Judge is not happy and we got to see him admonish Botoxed, Siliconed, Collagened Baby Doll. What theater. And all for the price of basic cable.

I'm telling you people, tune-in. Even a fiction writer couldn't make this stuff up.