Mystery Limericks

[Alan Cook]

I started writing limericks in high school. That was before I got into trouble for publishing a high school look-alike of the 1950s Confidential magazine (a fictional version of the story appears in my mystery novel, The Hayloft). I no longer write scandal sheets, but I do still write limericks. Here are some of my mystery limericks:

Of hostage talks writes Jeffery Deaver:*

To negotiate be a deceiver.

Try to help them survive

So there’ll be some alive

When it’s time to become a retriever.

*A Maiden’s Grave

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A mystery writer named Poe

Wrote stories that you and I know,

Of gold bugs and letters,

And victims in fetters,

And murders and poems full of woe.

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The amazing Ms. Agatha Christie

Wrote tales that are turny and twisty,

On boats and on trains,

In snows and in rains,

And mansions in moors that are misty.

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The story of Grafton, sweet Sue,

Is one of an alphabet stew,

From A through to Z;

She’s done B, G and P.

She’s doing it all just for U.

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Ms. Hamilton, first name Denise,

Writes tales of LA without cease.

Her reporter named Eve

Has skulls up her sleeve

And sings lullabies to the police.

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The most famous Bradbury is Ray,

Who chronicled Mars in his day.

A warning is spun

In “451.”

The Wicked and Death have their say.

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A mystery author named Pari,

Writes of a night sky that is starry

In New Mexico,

Where Sasha her pro-

Tag solves crimes, does PR, isn’t sorry.

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Let’s hear it for spy author Gayle,

Whose Spymaster breaks out of jail.

With action nonstop

You’ll run till you drop.

The forfeit is death if you fail.

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A prominent writer named King

Causes horror and evil to swing.

There’s Carrie, Christine,

And Misery’s queen,

The Shining and each Needful Thing.

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A detective, Miss Nancy Drew,

Has a sporty convertible (blue).

She’s brave and she’s bold;

Why she never gets old

We wish she would give us a clue.

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The Follett whose first name is Ken

Wrote Eye of the Needle; two men

Had to track down a spy,

Both the Needle and eye,

Before he got back to his den.