How's that work?

[Writers Plot]

posted by Lorraine Bartlett

I've always had a love-hate relationship with "how-to" books. Goodness, knows I have enough of them. From redecorating your rumpus room to building an entire house. I also have a lot of writing how-to books, as well as a few "diet" how-to's.

My latest diet how-to is French Women Don't Get Fat. I bought it at a yard sale this past weekend (sorry, Mireille Guiliano--no royalties for you on this purchase) for 20 cents. (Yes, you read that right. Five books for a buck. Can you stand it?)

So far, the book is reading like most how-to books (home improvement books, with their exploded drawings, aside). Seems like a lot of words to get the point across. In 62 pages, I've learned that French women stay thin by A.) having smaller portions and B.) drinking a lot of water. Oh, wow. This is big news. I would've never known this...despite the fact I've been on every diet known to (wo)man. (Was that sarcasm heavy enough for you?)

Writing how-to books are just as bad. They take 250+ pages to tell you what you could have learned in one meaty magazine article. (Mind you, most writing magazine articles don't tell you anything. That's why I've given up on all the writers magazines.) And too often the authors of these how-to books tease you with things like, "In the next chapter, I'm going to tell you the secret of writing a best seller." So you keep reading with breathless anticipation until you get to that wonderful secret, which is usually "don't write a flop!"

Some secret.

My favorite piece of writing advice (which also took too many pages) came from Natalie Goldberg in her classic Writing Down The Bones. Despite many, many pages you could distill her writing philosophy down to two words: "Just write."

While a lot of my unpublished peers were busy studying books on how to write (plot, characterization, setting, etc.), they were not actually doing a lot of writing. They felt they had to study and even disassemble entire books in order to figure out how the author wrote such a best seller.

I've never been very good at all that. Instead, I tried to tell a good story that would keep me interested. One with lots of mini cliffhangers and tension that builds until the final climax.

And ya know what...I figured it out all by myself.

Who'da thunk it?

[Jackie Houchin]

Very clever, Lorraine. I always had misgivings about "How to-" books. Now I know the reason why. Thanks for finally clueing me in!