Leah's Doll- my first real crime fiction story

It turned out to be three pages typed..From the few people that have read it, they've said good things about it. I also got a "What is your problem? Why would you write something like that?" from someone at school who definitely does not have the capacity to write a good crime fiction. It's called Leah's Doll. (Hopefully the format didn't get too messed up!)


“No, no! Stop!“ Leah cried. The woman did not say anything. Right there in the middle of the crowd, this woman just picked up Leah and started walking. Nobody noticed, nobody cared. Little Leah, just three years old, picked up by some strange woman.
“You did WHAT?” said John, Sarah’s boyfriend.
“Shhh. Stay quiet for now, O.K.?” Sarah said.
“Yeah, whatever,” John said.
Leah started crying.
“Well if it’s staying, will you at least shut it up?” John said.
Sarah got up and smacked John. It’s not the first time she’s done that. She went into where Leah was. Leah had stopped crying and was now smiling at Sarah. Sarah wasn’t so sure what to do. She had never really taken care of a child before. Sarah made John to go the store to buy some things for Leah: a sippy cup, some juice, some snacks, a new dress, and some toys. At least Leah will be occupied for a little while.
When John returned, Sarah filled the brand new sippy cup up with apple juice for Leah and gave it to her. Leah sat in the living room of their small two bedroom home in Massachusetts. Leah screeched with joy as she played with the doll John bought. It’s just like the one she used to have. Sarah sat and watched her play. John went outside for a smoke. Sarah made sure John was out of sight. She got on the floor to play with Leah. She didn’t want John to see her, he’d think she was getting attached. He told her not to. How could you not get attached to sweet, innocent Leah? Sarah heard the door and jumped right up and pretended she was yelling at Leah, so John wouldn’t suspect anything.
John went out with his buddies later that night. Sarah and Leah had some time to themselves. Sarah made something for Leah and herself to eat. Leah ate her spaghetti, missing almost half of it, but Sarah didn’t care. She laughed at Leah when she had sauce all over her face.
“Here, let me clean you up,” Sarah said. Leah giggled as Sarah wiped off her face and hands. Sarah sighed. She was quickly becoming attached to Leah. Leah seemed happy too. Sarah knew though, that if John had anything to do with it, things wouldn’t end well. John would leave Sarah, John would hurt Leah, or John would hurt Sarah. Sarah noticed that Leah was curled up on the couch with her doll. Sarah scooped up Leah and brought her into the extra bedroom. She brought a pillow and a blanket, and tucked Leah in. Sarah was getting tired herself, so she decided to curl up with Leah, who didn’t mind one bit.
In the middle of the night, Sarah wakes to John coming home in a drunken rage. He’s shouting for Sarah, and breaking things left and right. She hears him pick up a glass that is sitting on the counter and throw it at the wall. The shatter is enough to wake Leah. Leah starts to whimper.
“Leah, shh. Stay here,” Sarah says. She doesn’t want John hearing Leah and trying to attack her. Sarah goes to find John and try to get him to calm down.
“Where’s the kid?” John yells.
“You are NOT touching her,” Sarah screams.
“Some cop came looking for me at the bar last night.” John said.
“Shit. What’d he say?” Sarah said.
“Nothing. I left before he could find me. Sarah, I don‘t know if it was about you taking that kid or something I did but we can‘t do this anymore,” John said.
“Leave. Just get the heck out.” Sarah said.
“What is your problem?” John said.
“John, listen. You don’t know. Her mother was hitting her, I HAD to take her. It’s for her own good. If her mother was doing that in public, just imagine what she would do in the private of her own home,” Sarah said.
“Well why didn’t you call someone? Tell someone? SOMETHING?” John asked.
“I-I don’t know John. I just had to get her out of there,” Sarah said.
“I’m leaving. I don’t know when I’ll be back.” John said. Sarah went back in to find Leah. There she was, same spot Sarah left her. She was happily playing with her doll. Sarah took Leah into the bathroom to give her a bath. As she lifted off her pink dress with daisies on it, she noticed something purple. It was a large bruise, about the size of Sarah’s hand. Sarah knew John couldn’t have done it- he was never alone with her, and it had some discoloration to it- indicating that it was older. Sarah was in udder shock- and didn’t know what to do. Leah- happily splashed in the tub while Sarah examined the large bruise. Upon further inspection, Sarah found a few more smaller bruises on her arms. Leah wasn’t bothered by Sarah’s poking and prodding.
Sarah got her out of the bathtub, dried her off, and changed her into the new dress John bought. Surprisingly, it was actually cute. Slowly but surely, Sarah was in fact beginning to love Leah. Leah seemed happy. Nobody seemed to be looking for her. No ‘missing child’ alerts in the paper, nothing. Sarah started to wonder what might happen next.
“You’re nice,” Leah said as she sidled up next to Sarah.
“What do you mean by that?” Sarah asked.
“My old mommy, she hit me. A lot. It hurt,” Leah said. Sarah wasn’t so sure how to respond to that. Does Leah think Sarah is her new mommy?
“Why did she do that?” Sarah asked Leah. Stupid question, she thought.
“I dunno. She just did. She said I was a mistake,” Leah said.
“Oh honey. You aren’t a mistake, don’t believe that.” Sarah said, sympathetically.
“Please, please don’t make me go back,” Leah pleaded.
“Leah, trust me. You are safe with me, I won’t let anything happen to you. Promise,” Sarah said. She hugged Leah and held on tight. Leah cried a little, but then stopped. She was going to be okay. There was no way Sarah was going to let anything happen to her. Sarah loved her.
Sarah took Leah outside to play. Leah was her usual quiet self. Sarah and her played with her doll. The phone rang, so Sarah ran inside for a minute to grab it, leaving Leah all alone in their small yard. Sarah gets off the phone and goes back outside. Leah is gone.
“Leah? Leah! Where did you go?” Sarah screamed frantically. Oh man, oh man, I shouldn’t have left her. Sarah ran to the front of the house, nothing. She checked all around the house, nothing. She went back to the front yard but noticed something that she didn’t before. Leah’s doll was laying on the ground. Sarah knew Leah would not willingly leave her doll. She took that everywhere- even into the bathtub when she took a bath. Even though it’s only been two days- Sarah has felt extremely close to Leah. She genuinely cared about her, and now she was gone. Sarah thought about what to say when she called the police. She had kidnapped Leah, but then again nobody had gone looking for Leah.
“911- Yes, m-my um, daughter is gone…Just five minutes ago…She was outside, I ran to grab the phone, came back and she was gone…Just her doll, she wouldn’t leave anywhere with out it…Oh please, help me!” Sarah cried. Police were on their way.
A little while after police arrived, and asked Sarah a few questions, they came to the conclusion that Sarah had kidnapped Leah from a bad situation. That was not their main priority at this moment- they could see that Sarah did it with good intentions, and would not harm Leah. Sarah is clutching Leah’s doll tightly, crying. Police set out on a city wide search for Leah. Sarah had luckily for her snapped some pictures on her camera of Leah, so the police had some reference.
A few hours later, there was a knock on Sarah’s door. It was the police.
“Ma’am, we found a small child’s body, it may or may not be Leah’s. We are going to need you to identify it,” the police officer said. They had asked Sarah to identify her because, her biological mother was nowhere to be found, not even by the police. Sarah was the closest thing to a mother Leah had had in the past few days- probably her whole life. Sarah collapsed in a heap of distress in despair of her losing Leah and Leah losing her, and probably the only love she ever felt. Sarah climbed into the patrol car and was driven to the crime lab to identify Leah. Devastatingly, Sarah identified the young girl as Leah. Sarah collapsed again. This was just too much for her.
“There was also a note that was found with her body,” one sheriff said.
The note read:
Thank you for relieving me of this burden, I can only do the same for you.
Sarah broke down. She couldn’t take anymore of this. Why? Who could have done this? Leah was anything but a burden to Sarah. Leah was a breath of fresh air for Sarah. Leah gave Sarah a little bit of hope. Sarah believed Leah felt safe with her, and she let her down. Sarah needed to get out of there, she just couldn’t take it anymore. The thought of Leah suffering, the thought of letting her down. She couldn’t go home, the thought and memory was just too painful for Sarah to bear. Leah’s doll in tow, she abandoned her little two bedroom house, and never looked back.

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