Putting On the Ritz…and Pretenses

[Ronald S. Barak]

Perhaps outquoted only by Winston Churchill, the undisputed champion, Thomas Jefferson is nevertheless a very close second.  One of his more famous remarks, certainly still apt today, was an admonition to we the people to “prevent the government from wasting [the] labors of [we] the people under the pretense of taking care of them.” (emphasis added)

Have you noticed all the media pictures of our political “leaders” yesterday and today, happy, smiling, patting themselves on the back for a debt ceiling job…well done?  Give me a break.  What a bunch of sad sacks, prancing around, as if they’ve actually done something of which to be proud.   In case they haven’t noticed, the Dow dropped 265 points today, after the debt ceiling bill was signed by Obama.  And that’s following six prior successive days of daily drops in the Dow, the largest drop in over a year!  How much did that cost we the people?  Right.  Who should we congratulate for another job well done?

So, just what are we going to do to celebrate this great achievement on the part of our representatives–Putting on the Ritz, so to speak?

You know, when the going gets tough, the tough…go shopping.  At least in the wife’s neck of the woods.

So, having to keep up with the wife, I looked around for something I might buy…myself.  A spiffy new suit? A nice new set of golf clubs?  A fancy new car?  Hey, been there, done that.  I needed something different, unique.  I decided I might just treat myself to a new…shave.

But not just any shave.  One that will really increase my…er, face value.  What could be better than that?  So, check it out, the “limited-edition” Zafiro iridium and sapphire razor, which just hit the market in time for this past Father’s Day and is still in stock and immediately available at only…$100,000!

Should I?  Shouldn’t I?  Before you think I’ve lost (any more of) my marbles, consider just what a bargain the Zafiro actually is:

A handle crafted out of pure iridium (actually only 99.95% according to the website, but who’s counting?), held together with “custom-made” platinum and sporting solid white sapphire blades “5,000 times thinner than a human hair.”  Imagine how much you’ll save in this era of airline charges for excessive baggage weight!  Batteries are excluded, but batteries aren’t needed for this…elegant piece of grooming gadgetry.  In lieu of batteries, however, the price includes ten years of “professional cleaning and servicing.”  Don’t take that lightly in the grand scheme of things!  (Assuming the company is still around, you know, after the Zafiro saturates the market, and the novelty perhaps wears off.)

If this decade of “free” professional service and cleaning still hasn’t convinced you this is a bargain not to be passed up, then let’s “do the math” and consider the “true” relative cost per shave of the Zafiro and, say, the Gillette Mach 3.  If you or your man shave once a day from, say, age 15 to 85, and if the Gillette cartridge is changed once per week on average, the cost per shave will be about 40 cents.  With the Zafiro, which you won’t have to change out, the cost per shave will be about $3.90, an increase of only about $3.50 per shave.  Pocket change!  What’s a Mocha Latte set you back each morning?  Or a glass of O.J.?  What in the world’s the big deal here?

Need any more incentive?  Here you go.  Zafiro promises to sell only 99 of these “limited edition” puppies.  Think of the prestige of being the first one on your block to own one of these.  The company reports receiving “hundreds” of orders in the first month alone.

So, let’s get down to brass tacks here, because I’m already late to those self-aggrandizing partying of our political “leaders” now getting underway for another job well done.  Why in the world would someone actually spend $100,000 on this kind of…boy toy?  Quality?  After all, don’t you get what you pay for?  Why do guys go out and buy $3,000 suits when $300 suits will cover their derriere just as well?  Pride?  Face it, that $3,000 suit looks a heckava lot better than the $300 model.  Ego?  Why does any city dweller buy a Ferrari instead of a Ford or a Chevy?  And “buy American,” right?  Admit it, don’t you buy that Ferrari to tell yourself, and everyone else you know, that you do it because…you can (or want to convince someone you can).

Different strokes for different folks.  Can’t really generalize why people spend what they do to buy what they do.  (If I could, I would be so busy advising all those retailers that I would certainly not have any time to be writing this blog.)

However, in the case of the Zafira, I do have a thought.  Like the bad guy in A SEASON FOR REDEMPTION (remember, that’s fiction folks!), perhaps we can use them on our political “leaders” who don’t understand Thomas Jefferson’s above quoted admonition.  Hmm, if that’s what we’re going to do, we’ll have to ask Zafira to increase it’s “limited edition” production.

As for me?  Don’t worry about me.  I haven’t yet ordered that Zafira the company is holding for me.  And, just ask the wife our lawmakers have nothing to fear in me.  Like Snoopy, my bark’s a lot worse than my bite.