Seven Kinds of Stupid
My spouse is gone away for a week, so I'm doing a lot of channel surfing, reveling in the fact that I can. What I notice is that the commercials for whatever TV shows you watch reveal what kind of stupid the MADmen think you are. For example:
1.Sports-Apparently everyone who watches sports can only think of two things: Will my team win?" and "Can I get a bigger, meaner-looking truck than my neighbor?"
2.Game shows-Obviously a favorite of the idle and the aged, if you pay attention you will learn that you can cure anything with a pill. And if not, call Sam.
3.News shows (using the term lightly these days)-If one more thoughtful Mr. Average Citizen tells me that he's thinking differently about the Market these days, consulting a different kind of expert, I'll hurl. The experts are as confused as the rest of us; they just get paid to pretend they're not.
4.Women's programming (whatever that implies)-If you lose some weight, use that lipstick that makes your whole face look younger (where does one apply it, I ask), that mascara that makes your lashes fuller, long-longer-longest, and wear the shoes that firm your butt, you'll soon be starring in one of those made-for-TV-movies instead of watching them. Honest.
5.Crime drama reruns-If you're good you can jump from CSI (various) to NCIS to BONES to MONK all day long and never have to see the real world. But the ads reveal how shallow the advertisers believe your thinking is: "It's my money and I need it now!" and mops that sing "Love Stinks" don't speak highly of your intelligence.
6.Woo-woo prime time stuff-There's no such thing as going too far with these shows, and the ads imply that this Christmas, if your kid (or spouse or boss or BFF) wants it, you have to find it, buy it, and then stand back and admire it. Better yet, play along with the kid, maybe to some old Beatles tunes. They're sure to love it as much as you do. Your whole living room will be filled with family members belting out "Luv Me Do." Honest. Well, once, anyway.
7. Children's shows-Apparently our children only respond to screaming, strident voices telling them what they like, what they'll be wearing this year, and what outrageously expensive gadget they have to have to be popular.
Not only are we stupid enough to watch all these commercials, we let our children be indoctrinated, too. Remember when "pay TV" was initiated? The big selling point was that it was commercial free. Now we pay for TV and get more ads than ever, often four to six minutes at a time. Guess what? That's plenty long enough to use the bathroom, wash your hands, make a sandwich, and brew a cup of tea. Just don't fall in the kitchen unless you've got one of those handy little help-callers. You don't want to lie there groaning, "I've fallen and I can't get up!"
Reality shows
1.Sports-Apparently everyone who watches sports can only think of two things: Will my team win?" and "Can I get a bigger, meaner-looking truck than my neighbor?"
2.Game shows-Obviously a favorite of the idle and the aged, if you pay attention you will learn that you can cure anything with a pill. And if not, call Sam.
3.News shows (using the term lightly these days)-If one more thoughtful Mr. Average Citizen tells me that he's thinking differently about the Market these days, consulting a different kind of expert, I'll hurl. The experts are as confused as the rest of us; they just get paid to pretend they're not.
4.Women's programming (whatever that implies)-If you lose some weight, use that lipstick that makes your whole face look younger (where does one apply it, I ask), that mascara that makes your lashes fuller, long-longer-longest, and wear the shoes that firm your butt, you'll soon be starring in one of those made-for-TV-movies instead of watching them. Honest.
5.Crime drama reruns-If you're good you can jump from CSI (various) to NCIS to BONES to MONK all day long and never have to see the real world. But the ads reveal how shallow the advertisers believe your thinking is: "It's my money and I need it now!" and mops that sing "Love Stinks" don't speak highly of your intelligence.
6.Woo-woo prime time stuff-There's no such thing as going too far with these shows, and the ads imply that this Christmas, if your kid (or spouse or boss or BFF) wants it, you have to find it, buy it, and then stand back and admire it. Better yet, play along with the kid, maybe to some old Beatles tunes. They're sure to love it as much as you do. Your whole living room will be filled with family members belting out "Luv Me Do." Honest. Well, once, anyway.
7. Children's shows-Apparently our children only respond to screaming, strident voices telling them what they like, what they'll be wearing this year, and what outrageously expensive gadget they have to have to be popular.
Not only are we stupid enough to watch all these commercials, we let our children be indoctrinated, too. Remember when "pay TV" was initiated? The big selling point was that it was commercial free. Now we pay for TV and get more ads than ever, often four to six minutes at a time. Guess what? That's plenty long enough to use the bathroom, wash your hands, make a sandwich, and brew a cup of tea. Just don't fall in the kitchen unless you've got one of those handy little help-callers. You don't want to lie there groaning, "I've fallen and I can't get up!"
Reality shows
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