An excerpt from a chapter in my book, Black Diamonds.

 

 

 

http://henya-writingismylife.blogspot.com/2011/01/woman-with-jet-bl...

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Comment by henya drescher on January 22, 2011 at 8:31am
Aaron, excellent comments. I had all that in a previous chapter...but, I see what you mean, it really doesn't count in the present scene. Adding sensory flavors does a lot to set the mood.
Comment by Aaron Hilton on January 22, 2011 at 7:55am
I just read your excerpt from Black Diamonds. You have a good voice, Henya. Just two criticisms for now. Some of the dialogue at the beginning of the piece is buried and I would like to be shown a few more details of the diner. Sensory details like: Is there music playing from a cheap radio by the register, what sort of food prep smells are venting from the kitchen, is the coffee fresh, or does it have that subtle burnt smell of sitting on the burner too long. Then again, this is an excerpt. Maybe you reveal stuff like this later.

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