Lions and Tigers and Bears, oh my

[Donna Moore]

I'm going to Bouchercon in Alaska in September and, as part of the trip, I am doing the Authors To Schools programme. They send you out into the Bush (or, as I know it The Middle Of Nowhere) for a few days to a local school. I'm going to a small town in south west Alaska with about 600 residents and which you can only reach by small plane or boat. Except in winter, when you can drive on the river.


I'm really really looking forward to it. My mum, however, thinks I am either going to fall off a glacier or be eaten by a bear. She has been sending me 'How To Look After Yourself In Alaska If You're Stupid And/Or My Daughter' comments.

She keeps phoning me up and saying things like "If you see any red berries that might be cranberries don't touch them. Because they might not be." and "If you are stuck in the middle of nowhere with nothing to drink, lick ice...or was it...don't lick ice..." and "Remember to pack a shovel."



Mind you, this is the woman who, after she heard about the terrorist attack at Glasgow airport rang me up to say "It said on the news that an onlooker grappled one of the burning men to the floor until the police arrived - I said to your father, ' Patrick' you don't think that was our Donna do you?'"



My response was "Mum a) I wasn't AT the airport, b) I'm a coward, and c) I'm on crutches - what do YOU think?"



A friend in Alaska sent me a website about what to do if you have a close encounter with a bear. It had some very handy tips including...



*Bears Don't Like Surprises!*


Damn - that's the giftwrapped dead fish out then.


*Bears Are Always Looking for Something to Eat!*



I know the feeling...



*Identify Yourself*



OK, now I have to practise my bear meet and greet..."Hi, Mr Scary Looking Bear. My name is Donna and I am just about to run away."



*Don't Run*


Damn - that's Plan B out the window then.


*If Attacked - If a bear actually makes contact, you have two choices: play dead or fight back.*


Is that IT? No third option? No 'talk your way out of trouble'? No, 'back away singing 'The Sound of Music''? No 'give up your wallet and cell phone and sob hysterically'?


The section then goes on to say:
The best choice depends on whether the bear is reacting defensively or is seeking food.


How do you KNOW? If it's carrying Walmart bags you're OK because it's been shopping?
So far I've booked a boat trip around Prince William Sound (to see glaciers calving and whales...doing what whales do), an all day snowmobile trip into the backcountry and up to a glacier, and a plane trip around Mt McKinley. This is going to be one hell of an experience, plus I get to see my friends at Bouchercon. I can't wait. Anyone else going?

[Mary Reagan]

I'll be there, but I haven't had any time to plan. Still haven't bought my plane ticket!! Judy keeps reminding me how close it is and that I have to act soon, Just one more thing for the to do list.

[Donna Moore]

John - it will be the experience of a lifetime for me - I can't wait.

Steven - see you there! I'm hoping I get to see a bear from a nice safe distance. I just don't want to see the whites of its eyes :o)

[Steven Torres]

I'll be heading over there but without the amount of time you have. Wish I could do the authors in the schools program. I don't think you need to worry much about bears. You should have some kind of tour guide/handler who'll keep you well away from them. The way I figure, if a bear actually does make contact with you, you won't have to PLAY dead...

[John Dishon]

I wish I was going. I've always wanted to go to Alaska.