A-Z Killing Spree - Verses A-G

[Donna Moore]

This rather silly poem was going to appear in an anthology that is, alas, sadly no more, so I thought I would just post it here in parts. It doesn't rhyme, it doesn't scan, it doesn't have any artistic merit, but by 'eck, it was fun to write.

The A-Z Killing Spree


A is for Alfie, whose life was Abridged,
When pickled in Aspic and stuffed in the fridge.
Slain by the Accountant at his old Alma Mater,
And served up with Asparagus and a potater.
The Accountant - poor Al - had a motive Abstruse
Four years of hideous verbal Abuse,
From Alfie, whose tongue was as sharp as an Adder
And just made timid Al slowly madder and madder.



B brings us on to the tale of poor Bertie,
Brained by a Billiard Ball before he was 30.
At a Bed and Breakfast in Bath, where he paid with his life
For an afternoon's Bonk with a Baronet's wife.



C is for Curtis, whose end was quite silly,
Hung from a Cable Car in the mountains of Chile.
He Courted a most Captivating Calypsoing diva,
And in her had sparked a murderous fever,
When he Callously Chucked her and went out with her mother,
Her cousin, her grandma, her aunt and her brother.



D is for Derek, who should have known not to Dally
With Delphine, a Delicious Danceuse from the ballet.
To Dance was this Damsel's only Delight,
She Danced in the Day and she Danced in the night.
She Danced in her Dreams when one of her feet,
Gave Derek a kick in the Nutcracker Suite
He jumped from the bed in need of pain medication
Crashed through the window and died of Defenstration.



E is for Eric, an Embezzler from Ealing
Who stole an Enormous Emerald from the Earl of Darjeeling
The Earl (who of the police had no Expectation)
Embalmed poor Eric following Evisceration.



F is for Frederick, next in this Fable
Who routinely drank his Friends under the table.
He Fetched up in France, on a Farm Filled with vines
Where his Felonious Flaw of Filching Fine wines
Made the Farmer Fed up of light Fingered Fred,
So Full of Fury he took a Flagon to Fred's head,
And beat him quite senseless, and with Frenzy demented
Left him Face down in a vat where poor Fred Fermented.
(PS - a wine taster Found bottled Fred "Quite shoddy
A Feeble vintage - no Flavour, no body.")

G is for George, whose fate was so Gory That I hesitate to include poor George in this story.
For his habit of flashing - so Gross and obscene
He had an appointment with Madame Guillotine.
And, without being Gruesome, he ended up dead
But what was chopped off - well, it wasn't his head.
For George's Ghastly crime of Grim saturnalia,
Poor George went to hell - without Genitalia.

[Merrill Young]

No, no!
G is the best!
Not many people have to guts to use genetalia as a rhyme.
Donna, you are a blessing!

[Donna Moore]

Awwww, thank you all for your lovely comments! Lourdes - it was X that gave me a spot of bother! I am just about to put the next set up, so I hope you enjoy!

[Nicole Leclerc]

It would be difficult for me to pick a favorite from this criminal lineup.Donna, as usual, your special mind has tickled my brain and made me laugh. Thanks!

[Rose]

Loved it Donna.
WIll have to have oldest son, the wine snob, read the F selection

[Fran Read]

I love it!!

[Yvonne Klein]

It's all your fault, Donna; I wasn't going to sign on to this site, but your alphabet proved irresistable. i think I like F the best.

[Lourdes Fernandez]

Just wonderful. Post the rest soon -- can't wait to see what you do with Z!

[Donna Moore]

Aw, thanks Julie and Mary! I'm glad you're enjoying it - it was great fun to do.

[Mary Reagan]

Can't wait to read the rest of the alphabet. G is a real kick.

[Julie Campbell]

As usual, Donna, it's brilliant - - and hysterical.