A-Z Killing Spree - Verses H-M

[Donna Moore]

H is for Harold, who disliked Hankypanky
When his wife said `yes please', he replied `Oh, no thank `ee'
When shot with a Harpoon he died in the Hydrangeas
And his wife laid the blame on a party of strangers.



I is for Idris, travelling through Indonesia
When he started to suffer strange bouts of amnesia
And pains he assumed a bug of the Intestinal persuasion,
But which turned out to be Invading alien Infestation
He was taken in a spaceship to a galaxy afar, so
He may not be dead, just Incommunicado.



J is for Justin relaxing in his Jacuzzi,
When a Juvenile burst in brandishing an Uzi
Justin Jumped up, attempting a wild Judo tackle
But was mown down by Junior, enacting Day of The Jackal.



K is for Kevin, Kidnapped by Knaves wearing Khaki,
And spirited away to some caves in Karachi.
They roasted him with Kumquats and dined on his Kidneys
Made him into Kebabs which they gave their King, Sidney.



L is for Lionel an ex-Legionnaire
Who Left his Lovely wife Letty to begin an affair
With a Libidinous Lapdancer named Lola, from Leith,
Whose top half was Lithe but who was tubby beneath.
"Oh Lola, you're Luscious, but I hope you won't mind,
If I say you need Liposuction on your behind."
Well, Lola was Livid and quite Lachrymose
So she picked up a Lamp and Landed some blows
Then she chopped him in bits and stuffed them in a cushion
And used it to rest her Lovely Large tush on.



M is for Malcolm, who worked at the Met,
And fell in love with Miranda, a drum Majorette.
They met in a band, where he was playing Maracas
About each other they were totally crackers.
But as Marriage went on things began to go wrong,
All they had in common were Mahler and Mah Jong.
To bring back the Magic, they Moved to Malawi,
But Miranda said "We're just not compatible, are we?"
With Malice aforethought quite Machiavellian,
She seduced a young chemist, by the name of Trevelyan.
She made him procure her some Mercuric Chloride,
Which she put in some Mushrooms - stuffed, and deep fried,
Malcom's favourite dish, so she loaded his plate
And with Macabre relish watched poor Malc Masticate.

[Donna Moore]

Merlot - that's quite a compliment since I love Edward Gorey!

Lynne - thank you. I hope I haven't corrupted your children! Ah, I would love to visit Toronto again soon - I really enjoyed it there.

Lourdes - L was one of the easiest to write :o)

Thanks all for your comments!

[Lourdes Fernandez]

I think L is my favorite now!

[LC Fraser]

Donna you are brilliant and hilarious and always reliable. When did you say you will visit Toronto again? I confess I read this out loud to my hubby and brats - parts went over the hubby's head but the kids got it all (or was it the other way around)

[Merrill Young]

Donna, this is too delightful!
Is Edward Gorey still alive?
I could see this as a picture book with his illustrations!