Funniest line in crime?

[Daniel Hatadi]

Crime fiction's generally pretty serious business, but life isn't always about being serious. While watching the last episode of season three of The Wire, I heard a line that had me rolling on the floor. I won't go into the details of it because I don't want to spoil it, but it went like this:

"I can't wait to go to jail."

Anyone have any other lines like this to share?

[William Dylan Powell]

Kinky Friedman's quirky mysteries have some pretty good one liners. I forget which one, but in one of them he gave a valuable speed reading tip. If you want to find the most important part of any document, just throw the whole thing on the floor and the cat will sit on the most important part.

William Dylan Powell

[I. J. Parker]

Not funny. The intention here was not humor but shock therapy of some sort. A matter of "just how gross can I make this?"

[I. J. Parker]

Seems to be a question of taste again. And clearly you're not the only one who finds it funny.

[Donna Moore]

I love Willeford's humour. Some of Freddy Frenger's lines in Miami blues are classic. Most Willeford books have made me snigger at least.

[Eric Christopherson]

There's that bit in Dennis Lehane's Gone Baby Gone wherein Bubba gets his dog neutered and a week later it gets run over by a car, and Bubba swears it was suicide.

[Daniel Hatadi]

Ooh, I like that one. I might just start randomly saying it to people. Keep 'em off balance.

[Jay Stringer]

"in this town, I'm the leper with the most fingers"

[Patrick Balester]

JA Konrath has some of the funniest lines I've come across recently in mystery. But one stands out in "Bloody Mary" when Harry McGlade, Jack Daniels' ex-partner is arguing with Herb Benedict, Jack's current partner, who has a bit of a weight problem.

"Why are you in such a bad mood?' Harry asked. "Your local grocery store run out of Sara Lee?"

And that's just one of many that had me laughing out loud on the bus this morning, much to the amusement and confusion of my fellow passengers.

[Mari Sloan]

This is from a comic book but it is crime related. Stan Lee had Captain America, while in a two page battle with a killer robot say, and this is a direct quote... First page...

"Only one of us is going to walk out of here under his own steam,

Second page...

And it won't be me!"

Of course that was a blooper, but it is very funny. TALES OF SUSPENSE Issue 92

[Lynette Rees]

I love this one from The Sopranos:

Junior: "Five hours they let me out for these funerals. I gotta spend it bein maudlin? "

Lynette