The Bad Title Game

[D.R. MacMaster]

One of the best ways to improve your writing is to get all the bad writing out and put someplace safe where it won't do any damage. So I propose a game. Make up a title, a really bad title, for a really bad novel. And if you have anything extra like an equally bad plot, or an opening paragraph, knock yourself out.

Here's an example, the title for my bad noir novel: Fatal Fannie Fatello the Fatal Femme Fatale.

You all can surely do better, or worse, than that.

[Burl Barer]

Red Bitch at Sunset: A Femme Flambe Mystery.
,
"I never met a likeable man," groused Flambe aviarily.

[I. J. Parker]

I dislike cutesy titles intensely and won't buy a book with one of those. They are mostly cozies.

[Paul Brazill]

Murder Most Florrid.

[Eric Beetner]

How about "Death Rides A Unicycle"?

Chapter 1

Fergus was the world's best assassin on one wheel...

[D.R. MacMaster]

"The Corpse Wore Beige"

"Death Rides a Tricycle"

[Donna Moore]

I once did the opening of a bad hard-boiled historical called STONE, PI:

"Being a PI in 2010BC really sucked. Of course, we didn't call it 2010BC - we called it The Year The Woolly Mammoth Ate My Brother. Things were slow at Stone investigations. That's me - Stone - so called because when I was born, a Stone was the first thing I grasped. It coulda been worse. My brother, Cowpat, never had any luck – poor bastard. As I was saying, the PI game in prehistoric Britain was as slow as a Diplodocus with a limp. I was beginning to think I'd gone into the wrong job. I should have listened to my father and gone into the family Interior Cave Design business.

Instead, I was stuck tracing missing pet Stegosauri and tailing errant husbands. I sighed, and longed for the day when someone would invent fire so that I could deal with a nice juicy arson case. I reached into my drawer and pulled out the bowl of Elderflower Juice I kept there - man, that stuff has a kick. Just then the door opened and in walked a vision of loveliness. She sashayed into my office, her buttocks looking like a pair of baby brontosauri fighting in a sack."

I also have the equivalent for cosy, historical police procedural, cat detective and futuristic but I won't bore you with those :o)

[Paul Brazill]

Donna, I think that's fab!

[Naomi Johnson]

That's hilarious! Hey, if Ross Spencer could get five books out of Chance Purdue, I think you have a real shot with this idea.

[D.R. MacMaster]

I call for more, you might even milk a bestselling series out of it.

:D

[I. J. Parker]

Please, bore us!

[D.R. MacMaster]

THE NIGHT THE BISHOP GOT SHOT IN THE APSE
A Dirty Vicar Mystery

[A F Waddell]

Good technique.

Also try The Aging Process. Put away the writing in a dark place, such as a drawer. Let the writing age for a while. Then let it out into the light. Has the writing improved or does it stink'eth? The aging process should reveal such.