Friending and Social Networks

[Clair Dickson]

How do you decide when to add a person as a "friend" in Social Network Land?

I'm pretty new to this whole thing and I'm curious what criteria, if any people use when they decide whether or not 'friend' someone.

What about bigger social networking sites like MySpace or Facebook? How do you find and decide to be friends with someone? It seems so daunting to me. Well, the whole "Social" part of social networking is daunting, but that's a seperate issue.

But I also don't want to seem like I don't 'friend' anyone either. I just don't know when to do that.

Thanks, from the wallflower.

If I was more social, I don't think I'd be a writer, cooped up in my little porcupine den with just my computer and my Diet Pepsi. =)

[Daniel Hatadi]

Personally, I wish I could remove the whole 'friends' concept from CrimeSpace. In theory it could be a good tool for controlling the visibility of your content, but in practice it causes confusion and gives members an easy method for spamming.

I wrote a whole bunch about it over in the help section.

[carole gill]

I so agree with that, Dan.
I found it a learning experience (most positive way I can put that).
But there are some friends on here who really and truly turned out to be friends.
You for instance, gave me excellent advice!
I think it started in the forum--
and yes, Forums are just the best place to get good advice from writers and readers.
I agree.
p.s. Clair! you know what great, invaluable advice you've given me! I learned so much! thanks!

[Angie]

I used to think the friends thing was a way of noting "ooh, this person sounds interesting...I wanna keep up with what s/he is doing." I still do, kinda. You can check out profiles and that can tell you a little about whether you want to mess with accepting or making an invite. If you 'friend' someone and then change your mind (they send you spam or whatever), you can always 'un-friend' them. Generally speaking, though, joining in on Forum discussions is a better way to be truly social on Crimespace.

The main thing is not to stress over it too much! A lot of writers tend to be wallflowers. Places like this make it a little easier to chat & I think that's pretty nifty.

[Clair Dickson]

I agree-- forums are a lot easier for wallflowers than, say, parties. =)

[Angie]

No lie! I'm going to my first B'Con this year and am already a little freaked at the thought of all those people. I'm fine one-on-one or in small groups, but crowds are much, much harder. It should be...interesting.

[Clair Dickson]

I can't do crowds. I used to think I could, but it's just not a good idea. I might hurt someone. I can't even go grocery shopping when it's not 10pm. =)

[Angie]

I can relate. It used to be much worse, but there are still places/events that I just won't go to.

There's a used bookstore I can't even set foot in because the book stacks are literally to the ceiling and the aisles are super narrow. I'm convinced that they'll just collapse and I'll be buried under a bunch of Barbara Cartland romance novels and WorldBook Encyclopedias from the 1970's. *shudder* I wait outside while the hubster goes in.

[Clair Dickson]

XD If you're going to get crushed by books, they should at least be crime or murder books. ;-)

Lucky for me, hubby's okay with being reclusive. So we stay home and be boring together. (Or play Scrabble and Pokemon.=)

[Deirdre]

I very rarely add someone from my space to my friend page. They are usually inappropriate people (sex) stuff or looking for (sex) stuff. No thanks!

Here though, the people are nice and if you are talking to a bunch in the forum and the same ones keep coming up... why not add them as friends?

[I. J. Parker]

Hmm! It never occurred to me to use my friends-collection in order to advertise my books. What happened in the beginning was that I was immensely flattered when some stranger wanted to be my friend. Of course, I added them.

As others have said, I hang out mostly at the forum. Very occasionally I blog on my page. But few people ever go there. There is always more happening at the forum.
I've only once asked a near stranger to be my friend here. Never heard back, and that's fair enough. He's a popular guy.

[Jean Henry Mead]

Wallflower writers unite! I've enjoyed this discussion so far and agree about the near-agoraphobia. I'd rather be sitting at my computer writing or reading forum messages than go to a party, or even a book signing. Will you all be my friends? :-)

P.S. Dan, you're already my friend and I promise I'll finish your book as soon as I get through the galleys on my latest one. I also promise a nice blurb.
You have some great dialogue, BTW.

[John McFetridge]

I don't really understand the whole thing. When I get one of those friend request messages I look at it and almost always accept.

I've never understood, is that a two-way acceptance? I mean do they get added to my list of 'friends' and do I automatically get added to theirs, or do I have to make a friend request back to them?

Reading this thread was the first time I noticed under some people's names it says "send message" beside a little envelope icon, so I'm guessing that I'm "friends" with those people and can send private messages through Crimespace. Does this mean I can't send messages to members who aren't my "friends?"

Yeah, I like the forums.