YA Flap Copy...Thoughts?

[Jude Hardin]

Fifteen-year-old Jimmy Lagrange likes cheeseburgers, video games, and girls. He makes better than average grades in school, and he stays in shape with weightlifting, tennis, and Taekwondo.

And, one night a month when the moon is full, between midnight and dawn, his blood boils and his joints ache and every cell in his body howls with an insatiable hunger for flesh. His teeth become fangs. His hands become claws. His eyes glow red and a coarse coat of brown and black fur covers his body.

Tonight’s the night.

Jimmy only knows of one way to stop the transformation--a prescription sedative he buys for ten dollars a tablet from a dealer at school. He scores the pill, and spends most of sixth period and an hour of detention afterward trying to convince his girlfriend Loren that he doesn’t need counseling for drug abuse. Loren’s not buying it, though, and when they get to her house she manages to flush Jimmy’s “dope” down the toilet.

Now, with no way to stop himself from morphing into a snarling, bloodthirsty beast at midnight, Jimmy heads home. Maybe he can sneak deep into the woods, where there’s no chance of harming another person. Maybe he can borrow ten dollars from Mom and find another dose of medication on the street.

Unfortunately, when he turns the key and opens the front door, Jimmy Lagrange’s problems multiply exponentially.

RED MOON. They say there’s nothing more frightening than a werewolf...

They’re wrong.

[Mary Dee]

My kind of book. When will it be be available???

[Jude Hardin]

It's a work in progress, Mary. Thanks!

[John Dishon]

The flap jacket summary should make me want to read the book, so everything written has to count for something. You give too much unimportant information in that respect.

The first paragraph tells me a lot about Jimmy, and I take it that this description is supposed to peg him as a normal kid. But I don't really care about that stuff right now. You have the whole book to tell me that stuff; for the flap you should stick to the important bits and make me interested in reading more. (Interestingly, your description of Jimmy actually pegs him as not a normal kid, because most fifteen-year-olds can't manage so many activities an then make above average grades.)

The second paragraph gives a generic werewolf transformation. We're all familiar with that though; werewolves are common in our culture. Everyone knows about the transformation, so describing it on the flap summary isn't necessary. The color of his fur is even all that important even within the context of the story, right? It's just a description. So don't waste the space on the flap for it.

The pills, that's your angle. Otherwise all I see here is a generic werewolf story. You got to let me, the potential buyer, know that this story is more than just a standard werewolf story. The pills do this. So my suggestion is start the summary with Jimmy and his perceived drug problem. Then reveal towards the end that keeping from turning into a werewolf is the cause of it. That way you introduce suspense into the summary by not giving too much away and you leave me wanting to know more.

As it is, I know Jimmy's a werewolf, I know he knows it, I know he knows how to stop it, and I know that his girlfriend thinks he has a drug problem, and I know that this confusion is going to be a major conflict. I'm already asking myself why Jimmy just doesn't tell his girlfriend about his werewolf thing. That would solve the conflict of the story right there. Then he can keep buying his pills and lead a normal life, end of story.

The point is, I have no reason to keep reading. I already see the solution. The actual solution may not be anywhere near that, and Jimmy may have a good reason for not telling his girlfriend, but I don't know that yet. You've given me too much to go on. Rather than it being a mystery, of their being intrigue, I just think it's a simple story that's going to have a convoluted solution (since I can already see a solution, even if it turns out not to be correct.)

You don't want the reader to be able to analyze your story that much before he even begins reading it.

In conclusion then, I say start with the drug issue and reveal the werewolf thing at the end and the new revelation of something more frightening than being a werewolf.

[Jude Hardin]

Thanks, John. I think you have some good ideas there.

[John Dishon]

Come on Crimespace, let's give Jude some feedback.

[carole gill]

I like it very much.
But perhaps it should be more concise?
I mean just a little more brief--with less detail?
John made some excellent suggestions--and perhaps trimming it down a bit.
But it sounds like a very interesting read to me, Jude!
Keep going!

[Jude Hardin]

Thanks, Carole. I'll work on that.

[carole gill]

I feel funny to even voice an opinion--so newbie am I!
That's why I didn't say anything sooner!
anyway, I really do like it.
YA is a good market now since you know who published you know what!!

[Tom Cooke]

I would buy this book just from reading the above. Keep me informed of it's progress.
Tom

[Jude Hardin]

Thanks, Tom!

[Anne Frasier]

i would read that too!

my only comment concerns the cliffhanger. maybe it's different with YA, but with adult fiction i don't recall ever seeing a cliffhanger like that in cover copy. but like i said, maybe that's done in YA.

Unfortunately, when he turns the key and opens the front door, Jimmy Lagrange’s problems multiply exponentially.

[Jude Hardin]

Thanks, Anne! I'm not sure about the cliffhanger either. This is just a little mock-up prior to actually doing much writing, to see if anyone thinks the story sounds interesting enough to pursue.