Husbands, wives and DIY

[Vincent Holland-Keen]

A few questions from a discussion held in my office yesterday. Are all husbands legally bound to delay DIY projects for as long as humanly possible? Is there a charter that stipulates it must take at least three years from buying new knobs for a wardrobe to actually screwing them into place?

Is this the domestic cache 22? She keeps nagging him to fit that new mirror in the bathroom because he keeps putting it off and he keeps putting if off because she keeps nagging him.

While I'm never likely to find myself in the position of being a husband faced with the prospect of DIY, I feel I should get some answers beforehand, just in case.

[Patti McCoy Jacob]

Vincent - My father was under the misguided notion that his surgical abilities in the OR automatically transferred to the domestic scene, making him a, you know, "HE" - "Handyman Extraordinaire."

Uh... no.

A little backstory- with my Dad, if a little was good, more must be better.

He read one time that if you stuck a piece of bread into a leaky pipe, it would absorb excess water, etc. So one time, we had a broken sprinkler pipe. Did he stick a piece of bread into it? Yeah. Did he then stick the whole loaf into it since, you know, if a little was good, more must be better?

Uh... yeah.

After the water company left our home that day, my father walked around to all of our neighbors' homes, apologizing to them for the fact they had to do without water for several hours that afternoon - (water co. had to turn off the main valve) - thanks to his little faux paus.

Thanks to his DIY dillusion.

When I got married, I learned how to use a glue gun, a drill, etc. because honestly, if I expect someone else (aka my husband) to do certain things and he doesn't follow through, I'll be disappointed. And mildly annoyed. I don't like feeling either of those emotions, so learning DIY stuff avoids that.

Oh. So does a checkbook, a pen, and a check made payable to "Handyman Dave."

You gotta do what you gotta do.

Vincent, if you find yourself engaged in the future, let your fiance know ahead of time what you will and won't do. That way there are no surprises, no fights, and if your fiance has a problem w/that, it's a helluva lot easier to break off an engagement than a marriage.

Bottom line - your gender does not require a DIY membership.

I promise.

[Tom Cain]

Never do DIY. Admitting you have the slightest practical competence about the house is a fatal mistake and will lead to years, even decades of wasted weekends and holidays. There's a one-word answer to this problem: tradespeople. They're business is making stuff, fixing stuff and building stuff - let them get on with it, while you get on with whatever it is you're good at. Plus, it makes financial sense. In the time it would take me to try a job around the house, screw it up, try again, make it even worse than before and finally admit defeat, I can earn enough money to pay for someone to come in and do it properly. If you're partne doesn't understand that simple proposition, don't get anywhere near a wedding, because she'll make your life a misery if you do!

[Vincent Holland-Keen]

To be honest, one of the reasons I've always rented my accommodation is because I don't have to do DIY. If anything breaks, the landlord has to get it fixed and when some decorators came to my flat not so long ago, it was at the landlord's behest. I didn't even notice the black streaks rising up the walls from the heaters until I had to move the furniture prior to their painting. So, yes, clearly I do need to make any potential fiancée clear that I'm happy for other people to do the DIY.

That said, my Dad is actually good at DIY. He's built car-ports, re-plumbed kitchens, insulated every wall in his house with foam cladding and covered them with pine wood planks and all with a very professional finish (it's just computers he's not so adept with). While in theory I might have inherited those skills, I also can't help but remember the time when the only toilet in our house had been dismantled to the point where flushing could only be achieving by filling a jug with water and emptying it at speed into the cistern, sometimes several times. It stayed that way for at least six months.

[Newt Love]

What's a DIY? I am not familiar with this acronym in crime literature. Is it like a DWI, now known as a DUI?

What's a cache 22? Is it like a Catch 22? The latter term was derived from the "damned if you do, damned if you don't" circumstances found in the novel Catch-22 by Joseph Heller, that was made into a film in 1970. It's log-line is: A man is trying desperately to be certified insane during World War II, so he can stop flying missions.

When you ask "legally bound" are you seeking legal advice for (your home) Great Britain, because I live in the USA, where domestic law varies from state to state, as directed by our Federalist-styled Constitution.

[Vincent Holland-Keen]

DIY - or Do It Yourself - is rarely applied to the crime genre, but when it is, it's usually within the context of an aggrieved wife shooting her husband when the hired hitman turns out to be a two-bit bum with a gun, but no idea of where to aim it.

Cache 22 is sometimes known as a typographical error, but more often as the infamous munitions stockpile where those alleged 'weapons of mass destruction' were found. They were found by one Irving Spratz, who had been virulently opposed to the Iraq war, but was now faced with the much sought for 'smoking gun'. Should he inform the authorities or keep quiet? His dilemma is sometimes known as Cache 22 - a dilemma exascerbated by the fact Cache 22 was his back yard in Chepstowe, Wales. How exactly do you explain why you have three hundred chemical warfare barrels and eighteen adapted scud missiles stacked up against your shed?

The legally bound thing actually relates to this fantasy I have about Ally McBeal, some handcuffs and a rubber bikini. It has nothing to do with this discussion.

[Lilo]

I married a carpenter. If anything is going to get done around this house... I'm going to be doing it. I'm sure if I was willing to wait a few years, he'd do things... but I just don't see the need to.

I actually find DIY projects very enjoyable, and honestly think that along with that girlie class in high school where they teach 17 year olds how to cook and sew, they ought to teach simple things like fixing a flat tire, remodeling a kitchen and electrical wiring.

(I can bake a perfect New York cheese cake, change the oil on my car, and use a skill saw... how sexy is that?)

[Johnny Ostentatious]

Damn, I was tricked. When I saw that headline with DIY in it, I thought it had to do with running your own publishing outfit. I don't need to worry fixing shit around the homestead. I rent, baby!

[Nikki]

I've skimmed this thread, but haven't seen anyone talking about this technique. I call it the That's Okay, I'll Do It. My husband is Very Handy. If it's broken, he has the ability to fix it. Now the inclination...that's another story. Because I hate people who nag (of any gender), I don't want to be the nagging wife. I remind my husband only twice about anything that needs to be done. If said thing is not fixed/done in a reasonable amount of time, I tear into it myself.

A perfect example of this is a situation involving our car. Years ago, back when cars still has carburators, my car tended to die at red lights. Hubby said, "I need to rebuild the carburator. As soon as I get time, I'll do it." The car kept dying at lights and I kept getting more and more upset. Hubby was busy, said he'd get to it, blah, blah, blah. When I'd finally had all I could take, I didn't rant, or cause a fuss, I just pulled up to the garage and removed the air filter. Hubby came out to ask what I was doing and I told him I was taking the carburator off so I could take it to get it rebuilt. The car ran like a dream the next day.

Moral of the story: Threaten to DIY and his Man Pride will prevent you having to do any actual work. Either that, or you'll learn some interesting new skills. Both ways work for me.